Friday, June 19, 2009

Setting the Record Straight

I maintain a white board at my office. Every week I write-up a quote on the board. Lately these have been humorous, mock-inspirational posters. You know, the ones with the black borders... Sometimes people are kind enough to provide suggestions. One of my officemates slipped a a page from her Zen-A-Day calendar onto my desk. This is the quote, from surrealist artist Salvador Dali:

Have no fear of perfection. You'll never reach it.


But hold on here... It is demonstrably untrue.

Perfection is actually named Matthew Xavier Dixon. He graduated from Mount Saint Mary's College in 1994. As an undergraduate he never slept, partied all night, never missed a class and maintained a 4.0 GPA. He also managed to earn a Shodan, first degree black belt, in the brutally hard style of Kyokushin Karate. If this weren't enough, he was damnably good-looking and was actively pursued by several women; including one very beautiful brunette named Amy whom he eventually married.
He earned a Ph.D in International Studies from the University of Pittsburgh and now works for a DC think tank -- probably thinking deep thoughts. He was promoted to Nidan, or second degree black belt and has a wicked roundhouse kick that is rightfully feared.
I swear, this is all true. You can verify Mr. Dixon's existence and much of his C.V. for yourself at this site. If you ever google yourself, Matt, and stumble onto this page... Please do not leave a comment telling me how wrong I am. Such an act of humility will only prove my point.
I now return you to our regularly scheduled madness.

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