CuChulainn: The Demise of the Hound

Here's another take on the death of CuChulain.  The epic hero's death is one of several favorite motifs visited and revisited by artists.  Perhaps on of the most famous depictions of CuChulainn's end is the statue in the Dublin GPO.

CuChulainn: The Hero's Death

The conclusion of CuChulainn's story.

CuChulainn: The Great Challenge

Queen Maeve of Connaught got what she wanted, one way or another.  And what she wanted was a magnificent bull in Ulster.

Cattle raiding was a regular occurence in Ireland for hundreds (if not thousands) of years.

But this raid was different, because Ulster, and the bull, were protected by CuChulainn.

CuChulainn: In Love and War

Once he was old enough, CuChulainn was sent to a finishing school for warriors.  There he learned the "feats" which would make him famous, and earned his dreaded special weapon, the Gae Bulga.

CuChulainn: Setanta & the Hound

So I've been posting the BBC shorts about Cu Chulainn.  Unfortunately, I haven't been able to locate the next one in the series, which is really one of the more important ones: How Setanta got the name Cu Chulainn.

As we saw, Setanta went to Emain Macha and pleaded with King Conor to let him take his place among the Boy's Troop.  Setanta became a favorite of the King.  He also became an outstanding Hurling player.  (Hurling being an Irish sport similar to field hockey, or lacrosse if you're so inclined.)

One day the King went out to visit his smith, Cullen.  Cullen was known for his viscious hound which protected the homestead and smithy.  As he went out, the King saw Setanta playing Hurling in the field with the other boys and invited him along.  Setanta said he would come visit after the game.  The King went on his way to Cullen's hall and was entertained as evening fell.

Suddenly, there was a commotion outide!  The King remembered that Setanta was yet to arrive, and then noticed that the doors were bolted shut.  Cullen had locked them after he thought all the guests were inside, and then let out his massive hound to patrol the grounds.

The King feared the worst for Setanta... 

Ok, so this video subverts the story...  Setanta was found outside with the dead dog.  He had killed it with his Hurley, the stick used in the game.  Some versions have him batting the hard ball down the hound's throat.

The King was overjoyed to see Setanta was still alive.  Cullen, on the other hand, was very upset that his unique dog was now dead, and no longer available to protect his possessions.  So Setanta offered to come to Cullen's home every night for a year -- the time it would take to train a new guard dog -- and protect the property.

And so Setanta was given the nickname, "The Hound of Cullen" or Cu Chulainn.

CuChulainn: Growing Up

The next in the series from the BBC about CuChulainn.  In this one, the boy, Setanta, leaves home and travels to the court of the king to learn the skills of the warrior.

CuChulainn: Birth

This is an animated segment from a BBC show that aired in Northern Ireland.

CuChulainn is sometimes called the "Irish Achilles."  He is the demigod hero of a mythic cycle from Pre-Christian Ireland.

Specifically, he is associated with the ancient province of Ulster -- which is the bulk of what is now Northern Ireland.  Interestingly, he is claimed as a symbol by both sides of the "Issue" in Northern Ireland.  As a purely Celtic hero, he is claimed by those who want to unite with the Republic of Ireland.  As the defender of Ulster who repulsed invaders, he is admired by those who want to stay in the United Kingdom.

In any case, CuChulainn is one of those badass warriors from the mythic past and I'm sure you'll all enjoy the shorts.

The Secret of Kells

Recently my wife came home with the DVD The Secret of Kells.  This was a joint French-Irish production of an animated film that came out a couple of years ago.  It was nominated for an Oscar for Best Animated Film.

The movie is a highly fictionalized account of the creation of the celebrated illuminated manuscript known today as The Book of Kells after the Irish monastery with which it is associated.  The Book of Kells is an awe-inspiring work of art that shows the full, glorious powers of both medieval illuminators and centuries of artistic development in Celtic culture.

Our story centers on a young man living at the monastery of Kells who becomes apprenticed to the master illuminator.  At the same time, he lives under a constant threat of Viking invasion.  He also begins a strange friendship with a mysterious girl who lives in the forest.  There are competing forces at work in the boy's life.  Kells represents the promise of civilization -- these are the Dark Ages, and civilization is a rather precarious notion, but it exists.  The work of illumination and art is presented as the crowning achievement of civilization.  The Vikings represent an existential threat to civilization.  They can tear it all down in a night and destroy everything.  The girl and her forest represent a more innocent time in civilization's past that is now fading.  The three forces are in competition, but at the same time, they balance one another.  Nature proves to be brutal.  Civilization proves that it has the potential to ignore art as easily as the nihilistic forces.  In the end, the relationships are interdependent -- but man chooses to move forward, conquer the darker urges, and produce art.

The movie is gorgeous.  Although the animation style seems simple, each frame is a complex work of art and design.

Some of the online reviewers at Amazon.com ding the movie for a slow pace.  It unfolds much like a dream, so it is somewhat languid.  But moments of action are suitably speedy.  Others remark on the fact that the Book of Kells is a bible and the religious aspects are played down in favor of fairy magic.  True, but I think this is intended to enhance the universality of art.  It transcends religion.  Art is a common and universal human expression that, like religion, brings forth our better natures and lights the world.

I recommend The Secret of Kells.  If you appreciate great art, you don't want to miss this movie.

The Tain, as retold by The Decemberists

This is the Tain, or Tain Bo Cuilgne, or the "Cattle Raid of Cooley" as retold in verse by the Decemberists.
What's going on? Well, the King and Queen of Connaught get into an argument about who has more wealth. It turns out the King is very slightly ahead by owning a prize bull. So the Queen calls out the army to invade Ulster and steal the Brown Bull of Cooley. The army is repelled by the hero CuChulainn, who is the only warrior of Ulster available to fight due to a curse.
CuChulainn is nigh invincible when he is in his battle rage, which transforms him into a monster. He lays waste to the Connaught army. But eventually the Queen sends the warrior Ferdiad, a boyhood friend of CuChulainn, to face the hero.
CuChulainn survives, and chases the Queen and the army out of Ulster, but they take the Bull of Cooley with them. The two prize bulls meet in a pasture and fight. The Bull of Cooley impales the other bull, then breaks through the fence and runs home to Cooley, where its heart explodes.
Yes, like so many wars, this one was a waste of time and life. And this story dates from the pre-Christian era of Ireland; some truths are eternal. If the outline of the story doesn't seem like much, pay close attention to the video, which relates the story with more poetry -- and shadow puppets!

Conan the Barbarian in 3D: "Is it really that bad?"

In a word? Yes. It's pretty bad.

In fact, a couple of times, I felt downright insulted as a Conan fan, although I suspect those moments were calculated to be nods to those of us in the audience who know the character well.

But let's start with what is intrinsically wrong with the movie. There's no real plot. Oh, there's some cardboard window dressing about Conan seeking the man who killed his father. But that's an excuse for Conan to wander from one CGI set to another battling mostly faceless minions. What it reminded most of was a video game in which the player battles from level to level, always finishing with a boss character until he meets the Big Bad. The background changes, new traps and obstacles are introduced, and sometimes elite bad guys are mixed in with the minions, but it's easy, straightforward game play throughout the game. Kill everything in sight and eventually you win.

Now, there's been a lot of critical discussion about the influence of movies on video game narrative and vice versa. Some modern games have very intricate narratives that are clearly an attempt to merge the visual storytelling of film with the first person experience of the video game. Often those games require the player to do more than shoot bad guys; they must also solve difficult problems, or even make moral choices that branch the game's narrative in a different direction. That's pretty innovative, and it derives it's power by putting the audience in control of the main character's fate.

So CtB3D is really a huge step backwards in that it represents taking the simplest form of gameplay and takes any control the audience had away right from the start.

Certainly, CtB3D is going to follow certain conventions. The audience knows he's going to reive and slay through most of the movie. And we expect he'll bed the wench. And we're pretty certain he'll kill the principal villain. But the art comes in telling a compelling story between those certainties. Reducing it to the "Kill the Level Boss" creates a pattern that destroys narrative tension.

In other words; I was very bored by the third time a new CGI environment was introduced with a title card, something like "Shaipur Monastery." Oh look, another level...

To compensate, the producers do provide a visual feast. The CGI is very creative, if obvious. Yes, no matter how far Hollywood thinks we've come with CGI, it's still pretty easy to tell practical effects from digital ones. There's at least two scene in which all the women are topless -- I assume this is an effort to make me forget about the CGI. The fight choreographer and photography is peppy. It's also pretty silly: why on earth would anyone fight with two broadswords in reverse grip? Is there a sword system on earth in which this appears as a practical technique? (XMA and wu shu do not count.) But I will overlook goofy fights in favor of visual appeal.

The movie is also brutal and soaked in blood. I can imagine the director making the "artistic" choice to do this, "It's a movie about Conan the Barbarian. BARBARIAN! We need more blood! What? We ran out? I'll add it in post-production..."

There are moments when this works, such as when young Conan returns to his village. There are times when this brutality is overwrought, such as when Conan interrogates a prison warden by inserting his finger into the warden's... Less is more. Honestly. I know it's counter-intuitive, but it's true. Yes, you need to drive home to your audience that this was a less civilized time and place, but you can rarely top the audience's own imagination. Suggestion works very well. Showing me is jarring, and takes me out of the drama of the scene by reminding me that it's a great special effect.

So there's no plot, it's boring and repetitive, and it's over-produced. What's insulting?

If you've been following my blog, you might remember that way back when the first casting and plot rumors were swirling, I made an argument that they should just film the short stories. The material is there. It's exciting, it's action packed, the character is smart, there's real drama, and there's a ready made character arc as Conan wanders out of Cimmeria, builds a career as a thief, pirate, mercenary, and eventually king. It's a ready made series with some classic moments fans would be salivating for. ("The Frost Giant's Daughter", anyone?) Instead, we get a generic sword-and-sorcery plot with Hyborian Age window dressing. Labeling a CGI set "Zinagaran Slave Post" is not setting the scene.

This movie referenced several classic Conan adventures, including his birth on a battlefield, his battle at Venarium, and his theft from the Tower of the Elephant. I probably missed some other direct references. But only his birth is shown. We are told about the other incidents, not shown. Robert E. Howard never wrote a story about Venarium, we only know about it from some references he made in outlines and correspondence. If ever there was a decent Conan origin story, this is the story to tell. From what little we know, the Aquilonians built a colonial outpost called Venarium inside Cimmerian territory. In a rare instance of solidarity, the Cimmerians cooperated to pushout the settlers. Conan participated in the attack at the age of 15, and Howard says this encounter with civilization is what sparked Conan's unique curiosity to explore beyond Cimmeria.

The Tower of the Elephant is it's own story, and has arguable links to the Cthulhu mythos, so it too is ripe for filming, and pregnant with possibility.

Hollywood: Don't tease me like this. It's wrong. It's like you recognize decent material, and then ignore it just to spite the audience.

One final gripe: I really got sick of characters punctuating the importance of McGuffins by holding them aloft. The first thing held aloft in reverence is the newborn Conan. But soon all kinds of literal plot devices are being held high in the sky. It wasn't lost on this reviewer that the subsequent use of the image reduced Conan himself to McGuffin status. Yep, this is pretty generic sword-and-sorcery.

So did I like anything about the movie?

Yes, I did. I thought most of the bit featuring young Conan was compelling and had a truly mythic quality. There's an excellent short film in this mess. The warrior test scene was outstanding, and managed to evoke Celtic Mythology, historical warrior cultures, the original Arnold movie, and even hint at the REH stories all at the same time. Since it is good, I'll wait a few days before commenting on this scene directly. But it is good.

A final thought. I am not usually such a purist. While it has been bothering me that in the post-LOTR world we're still getting crappy re-imagined adaptations of fantasy fiction, I'm very willing to make allowances. I really liked the Solomon Kane movie, for instance. I thought the film had its heart in the right place, it was well-cast and well-acted, and it was reverent to the original stories' motivating principles. I was willing to overlook some serious deviations from the REH version of the character because it was a pretty decent movie.

But CtB3D is as unsatisfying as Zamoran fried lizard on a stick...