The Loch Ness Mists

My wife has been trying to pick up a copy of The Loch, by Steve Alten for me. She works in a bookstore and saw the book arrive. Knowing I have an interest in the weird, she came home to ask if I would be interested in reading this novel, which purports to include the latest scientific evidence supporting the existence of the Loch Ness Monster. Of course, I said yes, but when she went back to the store, all four copies mysteriously had gone missing. No record of sale, just missing. Now that's weird.

I spent six weeks in Scotland back in 1995. During that trip, I spent three days at Loch Ness. Now, I usually do my investigation into the weird at home in a comfy chair reading a book. But if you have any interest at all in the strange, you can't go to Scotland and not visit Loch Ness.

I decided to take an official Loch Ness Monster tour. There were several competing tours at the time, but this one had several features to recommend it. First, the tour bus picked us up in front of an Inverness pub, and we had an hour and half before it started. (There certainly was no reason to let that time go to waste.) Second, it took us to the Official Loch Ness Monster Museum in Drumnadrochit. Then we went down to Urquhart Castle, a ruined fortress overlooking the lake front most associated with monster sightings. And the tour finished with a ferry cruise back up the lake to Inverness.

Loch Ness marks the edge of the Scottish Highlands, and the scenery is spectacular. Even without its most famous (possible) resident, the lake would still be a tourist attraction, and even a scientific curiousity. I recommend the tour to anyone going to Scotland. The Museum covers the "history" of the beastie right back to St. Columba in the 6th Century, but it also describes the nature and ecology of the lake. Urquhart Castle is an amazing ruin with a commanding view of the lake. And the cruise gave us a chance to appreciate the many shades of green in the hillsides of the Loch (plus the opportunity to snap pictures of the wildlife).

The Loch Ness Monster is one of those mysteries even the most hardnose skeptics don't like to cutdown. The Scottish courts have declared the mystery as "Not Proven," there have been moves in the United Kingdom Parliament to declare it illegal to harm the creatures as endangered species, and it even has a scientific name in Latin. After British Naturalist Sir Peter Scott's expedition caught two fuzzy, underwater photos of "flippers" the beastie was christened Nessiteras rhombopteryx, which mean "monster of Ness with diamond fin." Of course, I'm sure it is purely conincidental that it is also an anagram for "Monster hoax by Sir Peter S;" try it, you'll see.

As for me, I don't think a giant monster, let alone a breeding-sized population of them, lives in Loch Ness. There was a time when Loch Ness was remote and few people lived in the region. Now, it is one of the most heavily touristed spots in Scotland. Millions train their cameras on the waters every year. I think we'd have far more definitive proof by now if something was there. That said, back in 1995, I also had the chance to take a submarine tour of the lake. Two white passenger submersibles would take tourists underwater for an hour or so. I thought about it. Then I thought about how sure I was that there was no such thing as giant monsters. Then I thought about whether or not I wanted to be proven wrong -- underwater.

I've still never been on a submarine.