For your consideration

This is John Leguizamo, an "all-terrain entertainer." He's an actor with an impressively diverse resume.

Here's my grass-roots campaign: John Leguizamo should be the Joker in the sequel to Batman Begins. Think about it. See a few of his movies, consider the alternatives, and then tell me that John Leguizamo wouldn't be a fantastic Joker against Christian Bale's Batman.

The Many Faces of Jack Bauer

Don't try to get by any serious Security with this ID...
Hopefully no one will notice my hangover if I hide behind these sunglasses...
You can be honest with me... Does the shiny finish on my pistol clash with my steel gray shirt?
Nice pants. But you're no Jack Bauer. Did I mention those are nice pants?
Hello, Hertz? Is it too late to get the extra catastrophic insurance?
Don't piss me off! I'm already stuck with this crappy Beretta!
Just wait to you see what we do on a second date.
Jack Bauer, Action Figure
Jack Bauer, Man of Fashion
I see you.
What are you looking at?

WWCAD?

At this time, when so much bad press is coming out about certain components of our defense and intelligence communities, I would like to propose the federal government adopt, and apply, a very simple litmus test before acting: What Would Captain America Do?
Although, admitedly, many in my social circle would probably approve the slightly more liberal standard of: What Would Jack Bauer Do?
Votes?

Head's Up, Ladies!

According to Occams's Broadsword's best inside Hollywood sources: David Hasselhoff is back on the market!

A Monster we can all be afraid of...

I am not a CSI viewer. Once in awhile I'll tune in to discover what new technology exists to ensnare me in the unlikely event that I should turn my vast knowledge to the service of evil, but as a rule, I don't watch the show.

So it was with some surprise that I learned from a friend that the team lead for the Las Vegas CSI squad shared one of my pet theories: that mythical werewolves and serial killers are linked.

Most folks with an interest in myths and legends understand there is often some truth to any tall tale. The trouble is in discerning which strand is the weave of the legend. When one pulls at the fabric of the werewolf myths, there are plenty of threads to tug.

One thread is the medical condition of lycanthropy, a condition that causes unusual gorwth of body hair so that the afflicted usually ends up employed as Jo-Jo the Dog Faced Boy at the traveling sideshow. This condition, fortunately, is extremely rare even today amidst our ballooning population. Perhaps some ancient incidents of lycanthropy helped the werewolf myth along, but I have a hard time imagining this is the central truth of the myth. More likely, this is a chicken/egg scenario.

There's also a psychological thread in which the symbolism of the werewolf myth is broken into its constituent parts -- namely the duality of man as beast and spirit. The internal conflict over doing right and wrong. A primitive connection between prehistoric hunters and the predator beasts the competed with for prey. The urge to break free of societal constraints and return to the amoral natural state. Blah, blah, blah...

But at the heart of the werewolf myth is bloody violence, and the revulsion at the unrestrained killer.

For example, Little Red Riding Hood is sometimes considered a werewolf story since the wolf is anthropomorphisized. The central fears of this Brothers Grimm tale are rape, murder and lurking evil hiding behind an ordinary face. If you walk through the True Crime section of your local bookstore, you;ll see these same themes repeated in the books on the shelves: sex, violence, ordinariness. This is particularly true of the serial killer books. In all but perhaps a handful of the cases, somebody utters, "Nobody would've guessed such a normal-looking guy like Ted was capabale of such crimes." It's almost as if Serial Killers have two faces: man and beast.

Isn't that a real werewolf?

In our enlightened age, we can name the various psychological disorders associated with serial killers, but to a less sophisticated people permeated by religious faith, a serial killer must have appeared utterly demonic. Even we are likely to refer to modern serial killers as "monsters."

Something few modern folks understand is that earlier man lived side by side with his terrors. They believed they experienced the occassional ghost, goblin, vampire, or werewolf. So we do have actual records of physical, real encounters with werewolves. One, the celebrated Beast of Gevaudan, I recounted in a much earlier post. But another case lends credibility to my argument.

Peter Stubbe was a German accused of dealing with the devil for a magic belt of wolfskin. With this belt, he would transform into a terrible beast to murder women and children -- partly devouring them and doing other unnatural acts. He was unrepentant and gave excellent detail about his crimes. At least until he was convicted and executed in a suitably horrific fashion.

Fortunately, the psychoses that create serial killers are still rare, but they seem to be more common than the genetic traits that give us lycanthropes. If I had to choose the strand of truth that created the werewolf legend, it would be superstitious humanity's early encounters with deranged minds.

That's somebody's business besides the Turks

As the song goes:

Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night

Every gal in Constantinople
Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople
So if you've a date in Constantinople
She'll be waiting in Istanbul

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Why they changed it I can't say
People just liked it better that way

So take me back to Constantinople
No, you can't go back to Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

Istanbul (Istanbul)
Istanbul (Istanbul)
Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Why they changed it I can't say
People just liked it better that way

Istanbul was Constantinople
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

So take me back to Constantinople
No, you can't go back to Constantinople
Been a long time gone, Constantinople
Why did Constantinople get the works
That's nobody's business but the Turks

Istanbul

I was reminded recently of this old ditty, which was ancient back in the day when They Might Be Giants recorded it. It turns out that while the Turks certainly did have they final say on changing the name of this ancient city, it actually wasn't completely there "business."

Constantinople was the Eastern capital of the Roman Empire, and was also called Byzantium, almost interchangeably even after it was renamed after the Emperor Constantine. Even after Rome fell under the sway of Barbarian tribes from Northern Europe, the Eastern empire soldiered on for centuries as an outpost of learning and Christianity. It was never powerful enough to hold much sway beyond it's immediate borders, but it remained a cultural center with sufficient military power to hold back the Islamic forces throwing themselves against it.

One of the secrets of Constantinople's success was its location on the Golden Horn of Asia Minor. This was a peninsula jutting out from the land which could be easily defended by a thick, stout wall. The sea approaches were guarded by a navy and high sea walls. The harbor was defended by a thick chain that kept enemy ships from entering. Constantinople also held the secret of Greek Fire, a kind of medieval napalm which burned even when wet. The Roman military tradition also evolved into one of the more advanced medieval militaries. Constantinople also counted on assistance from the Christian countries of Europe. These advantages allowed Constantinople to cultivate an image of invincibility.

However, there was a rotting core to Constantinople -- politics. Even today, "Byzantine" is the word used to describe complicated conspiracies aimed at backstabbing political rivals and turning the tables on opponents. And eventually this penchant for intrigue and plots pitted the competitions of Byzantine rulers against the cold hard cash they owed to Italian merchants and traders.

As it happened, the Fourth Crusade was about to begin, and thousands of veteran soldiers from across Western Europe sought passage to the Holy Land in order to fight the Infidel. They needed these same Italian merchants to provide ships for transport. "Sure," said the Italians, "but instead of paying us, we'll take you over IF you help us recoup payment out of these Byzantine princes who owe us big money." The crusaders were diverted to Constantinople, and instead of fighting the Muslims, they sought a way to invade Constantinople.

The operations was brilliant, and shows that medieval warfare could be highly sophisticated and ingenious. The crusaders launched a land assault on the tower which held the far end of the harbor defense chain. It was taken, and the chain was cut. An amphibious assault was launched against Byzantine shore defense, and crusader ships were run aground. These ships dropped ramps, and armored cavalry galloped straight off the decks. Other ships were mounted with siege towers (called belfries) and the seawalls were attacked in this manner. With the strongest parts of the Byzantine defense collapsed, an ordinary siege was eventually successful, and the crusaders were able to breach the city and sacked it for several days.

Then they went home with the loot. Most of them never set foot in the Holy Land. Few of them ever saw their avowed muslim enemies.

And the myth of Constantinople's invulnerability was shattered by its own Christian allies. The defenses of the city never recovered. Within a short space of time, the Turks also attacked and defeated Constantinople's guardians. It became their capital and all the Christian churches and cathedrals were reconsecrated as Muslim mosques.