Occam's Broadsword

Flame On!

2012-02-12T20:31:00.002-05:00

If you were expecting a totally tearful, awfully awesome tribute to the greatness of Whitney Houston, sorry. You should be watching the Grammy's for that.

But you do get Vermithrax Pejorative, the greatest dragon of our age. So that's something, I guess.

Swordmaster Bob Anderson

2012-01-04T16:59:00.002-05:00

A sad start to 2012...

Master swordsman, Bob Anderson, died earlier this week and the news broke on Monday.

(http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=32771)

Anderson was an Olympic Fencer who became a renowned Hollywood fight choreographer. His first movie was Master of Ballantrae, a film that starred Errol Flynn. He went on to work on many other films, including serving as the fight double for Darth Vader in the original Star Wars movies (you know, the good ones...). He choreographed the fights in Highlander and you can see him as the Immortal dueling MacLeod in the underground garage.

Perhaps his most powerful fight was the duel between Mandy Patinkin and Cary Elwes in The Princess Bride. It's widely considered one of the most elegant bits of swashbuckling ever filmed.

Anderson also worked on the Lord of the Rings and described Viggo Mortensen as one of the most natural swordsmen he ever trained. Anderson's name was attached to The Hobbit which will be released next year.

Bob Anderson was 89.

The Tain, as retold by The Decemberists

2011-11-27T15:50:00.004-05:00

This is the Tain, or Tain Bo Cuilgne, or the "Cattle Raid of Cooley" as retold in verse by the Decemberists.

What's going on? Well, the King and Queen of Connaught get into an argument about who has more wealth. It turns out the King is very slightly ahead by owning a prize bull. So the Queen calls out the army to invade Ulster and steal the Brown Bull of Cooley. The army is repelled by the hero CuChulainn, who is the only warrior of Ulster available to fight due to a curse.

CuChulainn is nigh invincible when he is in his battle rage, which transforms him into a monster. He lays waste to the Connaught army. But eventually the Queen sends the warrior Ferdiad, a boyhood friend of CuChulainn, to face the hero.

CuChulainn survives, and chases the Queen and the army out of Ulster, but they take the Bull of Cooley with them. The two prize bulls meet in a pasture and fight. The Bull of Cooley impales the other bull, then breaks through the fence and runs home to Cooley, where its heart explodes.

Yes, like so many wars, this one was a waste of time and life. And this story dates from the pre-Christian era of Ireland; some truths are eternal. If the outline of the story doesn't seem like much, pay close attention to the video, which relates the story with more poetry -- and shadow puppets!

Cyber Black Weekend

2011-11-27T14:29:00.007-05:00

That's right folks, it's that time of year again: Christmas shopping season. And since you've all been out improving the economy by buying things you can't possibly afford, I thought I'd give you a few more ideas on how to spend your money. I know it's a question that's been burning in your minds all weekend: "What does good ole JRF want for Christmas?" Worry not, I'll be happy to answer that very question here and now.

Every item here is on my actual Wish List, which I provide to my family as a courtesy and helpful service prior to Thanksgiving Day. I want them to have plenty of lead time.

First, I need to satisfy my interest in the Viking Age. The first item is a miniature army of characterful Viking Raiders from Foundry Miniatures.

(http://wargamesfoundry.com/historical_ranges/hordes/ancients/viking/mighty_gudrek_thorsteinson_legendary_warriors_horde_bhvik005/)

You get 60 bloodthirsty warriors, shield maidens, berserkers, and a jarl. That's enough for two longboat crews and raiding any miniature monastery you might come across. Just don't forget to buy the necessary pack of generic spears to arm your men. Paints and glue are also not included.

I find when I'm painting my miniatures that it helps to imagine myself in character, and nothing helps get a person in character better than dressing up. So I asked for these comfy, leather, size 10 Viking Age boots to lounge in while I'm painting Viking minis and humming "The Ride of the Valkyries."

You can get these from Boots by Bohemond (http://www.nmia.com/~bohemond/Bootshop/shoe-page/baltic.htm) in a variety of different colors. Tan is nice, but I do like this chocolate brown. They are a nice alternative to slippers.

And there's an empty place of honor in my Man Cave for a new action figure. While a number of really great action figures were released this year, I put the Hot Toys Captain America: The First Avenger on my wish list.

(http://www.monkeydepot.com/Hot_Toys_Captain_America_901384_p/hp0093.htm)

This 1/6 scale action figure features an exacting replication of the final version movie costume and includes multiple hand sin various positions, a M1911 pistol, Thompson Sub Machine Gun, and (of course) the mighty shield. What red-blooded American wouldn't want one of these in his Man Cave?

I've already got my fingers crossed they release an Avengers costume Cap next year.

But why limit my display of affection for the star-spangled Sentinel of Liberty just to my Man Cave? With this sculpted Captain America ceramic mug direct from Marvel.com (http://www.marvelstore.com//sculpted-captain-america-mug/mp/11196/1000254/?CMP=KNC-DSSGooglePB), I can show my support for Cap anywhere I choose to drink a hot beverage. And I can drink my hot cuppa java in manly proportions, too!

"But, JRF, don't you like pointy things? Where are the dangerous sharp objects we know you love?" I'm glad you asked.

This is the Benchmade version of the SOCP (for "Special Operations Combatives Program") dagger. (http://www.uscav.com/productinfo.aspx?productid=21945&TabID=548) I think this is a very exciting design with all kinds of interesting possibilities for a martial artist. Many traditional Koryu jujutsu systems often included small knives or sticks as aids in grappling situations; this tool fills the same role in the modern Combatives curriculum. Fully describing the potential of this tool probably deserves its own post. The red, blunt dagger in the picture is the training tool version. You can get a set of blade, sheath, and trainer; and I recommend getting the set so you can experiment with the tool safely in a training environment.

In the long blade department, a serious gap in my sword collection is the Viking Age. I have a Viking Sax, but no sword. But this Generation 2 replica of a sword recovered from the River Whitham in England would nicely match my Sax. (http://www.imperialweapons.com/VG/IP-702-2.html) The reviews of this sword compare it favorably with replicas costing five times as much. I have several Generation 2 blades, and they are all well made.

But for my secret, ninja, stealth missions, I need a "sword" that is a little more compact. The Columbia River Knife & Tool Hisshou fits that role perfectly. (http://www.agrussell.com/crkt-hisshou/p/CL-2910/) This is a monster knife, or midget wakizashi. It measures an overall 18 1/2 inches, and over 12 inches of that length is blade. Like big, slashing, Japanese blades but think 18 inches is too much blade? That's okay, CRKT released the little brother to this short sword, the Shinbu (http://www.agrussell.com/product.asp?pn=CL-2915) which measures in at 14 3/4 inches, with a blade over 9 inches long. Heck, get both and be prepared for darn near any nasty, close quarters social engagement you might be invited to.

"No, seriously, JRF; what do you really want for Christmas?"

I am serious.

"Then let me rephrase the question: what do you actually expect to get for Christmas?"

Ahhhhh. Good question...

This is a very nice LL Bean "Scotch" plaid flannel bath robe in Blackwatch tartan. (http://reviews.llbean.com/1138/IG72/mens-scotch-plaid-flannel-robe-reviews/reviews.htm) I love tartan. And I love flannel, although I like fleece better for warmth. And I need a new bathrobe.

My In-Laws also discovered this year that I need a decent suitcase. So I', very likely to get this LL Bean rolling Pullman suitcase. (http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/63930?feat=2-SR0) I asked for it in Plum. There are so many black suitcases on the luggage carousel.

I also asked for a bunch of books through the Amazon Wish List feature. Maybe I'll do a separate post on some of my reading picks later. But realistically, I'm far more likely to get a dozen books and DVDs than I am a Hisshou, a pair of comfy Viking Boots, or (sadly) a Captain America action figure. And given the cost of things, I'll probably end up buying my own SOCP dagger on December 26. My family loves me, but I don't think they completely understand me.

More Conan Replica Sword Choices!

2011-10-02T22:01:00.002-04:00

I have a correction to make. Apparently, other -- even better! -- versions of the Conan movie sword replicas are available from other sources.

The Kult of Athena website (http://www.kultofathena.com/conan.asp) has several different replicas to choose from. This includes the top of the line replicas from Albion which are priced in the $3000 range. (I don't have one of these, in case you were wondering what to get jrf for Christmas this year.) You can even go the "el cheapo" route and get the lowest quality sword for $39.95.

It's good to have options.

Watching Deadliest Warrior Does not make you a Ph.D

2011-10-02T21:23:00.002-04:00

I thought I'd long grown use to the fact that when people go to the Renn Fest they drink a little too much, they talk a little too much, and they talk a little too loud. I even thought I'd grown innured to the fact that some folks become instant experts at the Renn Fest.

But the guy behind me at today's joust was too much. He was providing running commentary to twins dressed as gypsy girls (see http://www.halloweencostumes.com/gypsy-princess-costume.html). It was obvious that his knowledge was derived from drunken viewings of Spike TV's Deadliest Warrior and not any academic study.

"Jousts were bloody duels to the death. They just kept hammering away at each other until somebody got impaled through the chest."

Oh, please.

On the other hand, a few years ago, I was very pleasantly surprised to be sitting behind a man pointing out the parts of the knight's armor to his young son -- in painful detail and perfectly accented French: sabatons, pauldrons, poleyns, gorget, cuirass, tassets, etc. I could follow him, but I couldn't have done that from memory. 15th Century armor is not my specialty -- though it was clearly his. This guy obviously had studied more than the last D&D Complete Fighters Handbook.

Today I saw a man in beautifully turned out Viking Era Russ Trader kit. It was so understated, I nearly overlooked him. He had a close cap, brilliant red and black Russ coat, a blue wool tunic, oatmeal-colored wool trews, and brown leather boots. The best part was his bead necklace, with square, multi-colored glass beads. This was a man who knew his Dark Age costuming, and I'm sure he knew he was about 500 years out-of-fashion at an English Rennaissance event. Unlike the score or more of Capt. Jack Sparrow look-alikes who were probably blissfully unaware the Black Pearl isn't due to sail for about 200 years.

I love the floorshow at the Renn Fest. But I really enjoy it when I stumble across an actual expert.

Blast from the Past: Vintage Highlander Movie Review

2011-10-01T17:12:00.003-04:00

While I've never thought this movie was perfect, I've always considered it a classic. If nothing else, it deserves serious props for being an original idea. In an age when all we seem to get a remakes and sequels, that should mean something.

Of course, there's been off-and-on talk about a reboot for this franchise too. But it is one case in which I think a solid trilogy planned from the start and shot back-to-back would do more justice to the concept than the original. Especially if they kept the awesome soundtrack.

But I don't have enough faith in Hollywood to do it right.

Leo Howard, Boy Badass

2011-10-01T16:40:00.004-04:00

I have underwear older than this kid, Leo Howard (http://leo-howard.com/). He's all of 14 or 15 years old, and already he's managed to act as two of my fictional heroes: Snakes Eyes and Conan the Barbarian. What is up with that?

Not only that, but young Leo was probably the best thing in Conan 3D. I found him far more interesting to watch than Jason Momoa.

Now that, my friends, is a badass scene. That's mythic. And some punk kid pulled it off. Too bad the rest of the movie didn't live up to it.

This test of manhood is similar to tests various warrior cultures put their boys through. It most reminds me of the test for membership in the Irish Fianna, which the legends tell us required a young man to have his hair braided and then run a course through the forest. If he was caught, he failed. If a branch cracked under his foot, he failed. If a braid came unraveled, he failed. he had to be able to leap over a branch as high as his forehead, pass under one as low as his knee, and he had to be able to pull a thorn from his heel without slowing down.

In fact, there's quite a lot from this scene which called Irish myth to mind. The great Irish hero, CuChulainn, was only a boy when he took up arms and started defending Ulster against its enemies. And, of course, the Celts of CuChulainn's time took heads in order to prove the number of enemies they'd slain in battle.

I suspect this echo of Irish myth is coincidental, but Robert E. Howard (Conan's creator, and no relation) would've approved. He was a serious Celtophile, and always imagined his Cimmerians as the ancestors of the historical Celts.

Anyway, for better or worse, Leo Howard is caught up in the "Mighty Mouse Machine" -- he's appearing on the Disney Channel's show Kickin' It, about a strip mall karate dojo. I suspect we'll hear more from Leo.

Classic Conan the Barbarian Movie Sword replicas are available again!

2011-10-01T16:23:00.004-04:00

Windlass Steelcrafts, through Museum Replicas, is offering three replica swords from the film classic Conan the Barbarian. Valeria's Sword, the Father's Sword, and the iconic Atlantean Sword are all up for sale on the web site with an estimated shipping date of October 2011.

The blades are 1085 high carbon steel and tempered to 52 HRC. The two manly-man swords are priced at $295, while the she-thief's sword is $195. I don't think those prices are unreasonable for decent swords, and the pictures do look like pretty decent replicas. My only gripe is that the grips look a little thick, especially on the Father's Sword.

Hawkeye

2011-08-26T21:14:00.002-04:00

Navy SEAL Jon Tumilson was one of the 30 service members shot down in a Chinook helicopter in Afghanistan recently. His remains arrived home in Rockford, Iowa and a funeral service was conducted in the local high school gym.

According to reports, the procession into the gym was lead by Tumilson's Labrador Retriever, Hawkeye, who immediately lay down in front of the casket where he stayed forlornly through the service.

Hawkeye has been adopted by one of Tumilson's friends.

Conan 3D Fallout

2011-08-26T18:14:00.002-04:00

So it came to my attention yesterday that one of the script writers on CtB3D, Sean Hood, had written a brief article (http://www.quora.com/Whats-it-like-to-have-your-film-flop-at-the-box-office) about his feelings on his association with the Conan Flop.

He's very forthcoming about his expectations, and it's hard to take it out on this guy for the movie. What's interesting is that even he seems disappointed in the final product.

Then today, it turned out that someone apparently wants all the glory that goes with CtB3D. Stan Lee Media (which was at one time associated with Stan Lee but, apparently, is no longer) filed suit against the makers of CtB3D for 100% of the proceeds. Stan Lee Media seems to think they still maintain intellectual property rights to the character Conan.

As it turns out, the IP rights for Robert E. Howard's work are a legal puzzle, as described in this paper which was helpfully posted online. (http://www.robert-e-howard.org/AnotherThought4rerevised.html) Australia considers Robert E. Howard's work to be in the Public Domain!

Well, if nothing else, all this publicity is raising interest in Howard's work.

Princess of Mars

2011-08-26T18:03:00.002-04:00

Greetings, Pulp Fans! You know you can't wait for next year's John Carter movie. I understand. But take heart, there's this version of the story just waiting for you on DVD!

REH on CtB3D

2011-08-22T21:13:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I've been reading the reviews of CtB3D that have been popping up on the Internet. I guess I'm not surprised that there is a small, but vocal, contingent of young men starved for catharsis that seem to think this movie was badass.

Pfff. You people don't know badass.

I am surprised that some "serious" reviewers keep saying that it is "closer to the original Robert E. Howard" stories than the 1982 Arnold outing. I guess "closer" is a relative term.

So I invited Robert E. Howard to come down here and tell us in his own words how he would describe his greatest character.

... huh...

[mumbles] "butter on a hot skillet..." [mumbles]

Okay! See you all next time.

SHIELD kit???

2011-08-21T20:04:00.004-04:00

Is this official issue SHIELD kit???

Or just an incredible facsimile?

Maybe it's Airsoft?

Or maybe... It isn't.

Conan the Barbarian in 3D: "Is it really that bad?"

2011-08-19T18:07:00.003-04:00

In a word? Yes. It's pretty bad.

In fact, a couple of times, I felt downright insulted as a Conan fan, although I suspect those moments were calculated to be nods to those of us in the audience who know the character well.

But let's start with what is intrinsically wrong with the movie. There's no real plot. Oh, there's some cardboard window dressing about Conan seeking the man who killed his father. But that's an excuse for Conan to wander from one CGI set to another battling mostly faceless minions. What it reminded most of was a video game in which the player battles from level to level, always finishing with a boss character until he meets the Big Bad. The background changes, new traps and obstacles are introduced, and sometimes elite bad guys are mixed in with the minions, but it's easy, straightforward game play throughout the game. Kill everything in sight and eventually you win.

Now, there's been a lot of critical discussion about the influence of movies on video game narrative and vice versa. Some modern games have very intricate narratives that are clearly an attempt to merge the visual storytelling of film with the first person experience of the video game. Often those games require the player to do more than shoot bad guys; they must also solve difficult problems, or even make moral choices that branch the game's narrative in a different direction. That's pretty innovative, and it derives it's power by putting the audience in control of the main character's fate.

So CtB3D is really a huge step backwards in that it represents taking the simplest form of gameplay and takes any control the audience had away right from the start.

Certainly, CtB3D is going to follow certain conventions. The audience knows he's going to reive and slay through most of the movie. And we expect he'll bed the wench. And we're pretty certain he'll kill the principal villain. But the art comes in telling a compelling story between those certainties. Reducing it to the "Kill the Level Boss" creates a pattern that destroys narrative tension.

In other words; I was very bored by the third time a new CGI environment was introduced with a title card, something like "Shaipur Monastery." Oh look, another level...

To compensate, the producers do provide a visual feast. The CGI is very creative, if obvious. Yes, no matter how far Hollywood thinks we've come with CGI, it's still pretty easy to tell practical effects from digital ones. There's at least two scene in which all the women are topless -- I assume this is an effort to make me forget about the CGI. The fight choreographer and photography is peppy. It's also pretty silly: why on earth would anyone fight with two broadswords in reverse grip? Is there a sword system on earth in which this appears as a practical technique? (XMA and wu shu do not count.) But I will overlook goofy fights in favor of visual appeal.

The movie is also brutal and soaked in blood. I can imagine the director making the "artistic" choice to do this, "It's a movie about Conan the Barbarian. BARBARIAN! We need more blood! What? We ran out? I'll add it in post-production..."

There are moments when this works, such as when young Conan returns to his village. There are times when this brutality is overwrought, such as when Conan interrogates a prison warden by inserting his finger into the warden's... Less is more. Honestly. I know it's counter-intuitive, but it's true. Yes, you need to drive home to your audience that this was a less civilized time and place, but you can rarely top the audience's own imagination. Suggestion works very well. Showing me is jarring, and takes me out of the drama of the scene by reminding me that it's a great special effect.

So there's no plot, it's boring and repetitive, and it's over-produced. What's insulting?

If you've been following my blog, you might remember that way back when the first casting and plot rumors were swirling, I made an argument that they should just film the short stories. The material is there. It's exciting, it's action packed, the character is smart, there's real drama, and there's a ready made character arc as Conan wanders out of Cimmeria, builds a career as a thief, pirate, mercenary, and eventually king. It's a ready made series with some classic moments fans would be salivating for. ("The Frost Giant's Daughter", anyone?) Instead, we get a generic sword-and-sorcery plot with Hyborian Age window dressing. Labeling a CGI set "Zinagaran Slave Post" is not setting the scene.

This movie referenced several classic Conan adventures, including his birth on a battlefield, his battle at Venarium, and his theft from the Tower of the Elephant. I probably missed some other direct references. But only his birth is shown. We are told about the other incidents, not shown. Robert E. Howard never wrote a story about Venarium, we only know about it from some references he made in outlines and correspondence. If ever there was a decent Conan origin story, this is the story to tell. From what little we know, the Aquilonians built a colonial outpost called Venarium inside Cimmerian territory. In a rare instance of solidarity, the Cimmerians cooperated to pushout the settlers. Conan participated in the attack at the age of 15, and Howard says this encounter with civilization is what sparked Conan's unique curiosity to explore beyond Cimmeria.

The Tower of the Elephant is it's own story, and has arguable links to the Cthulhu mythos, so it too is ripe for filming, and pregnant with possibility.

Hollywood: Don't tease me like this. It's wrong. It's like you recognize decent material, and then ignore it just to spite the audience.

One final gripe: I really got sick of characters punctuating the importance of McGuffins by holding them aloft. The first thing held aloft in reverence is the newborn Conan. But soon all kinds of literal plot devices are being held high in the sky. It wasn't lost on this reviewer that the subsequent use of the image reduced Conan himself to McGuffin status. Yep, this is pretty generic sword-and-sorcery.

So did I like anything about the movie?

Yes, I did. I thought most of the bit featuring young Conan was compelling and had a truly mythic quality. There's an excellent short film in this mess. The warrior test scene was outstanding, and managed to evoke Celtic Mythology, historical warrior cultures, the original Arnold movie, and even hint at the REH stories all at the same time. Since it is good, I'll wait a few days before commenting on this scene directly. But it is good.

A final thought. I am not usually such a purist. While it has been bothering me that in the post-LOTR world we're still getting crappy re-imagined adaptations of fantasy fiction, I'm very willing to make allowances. I really liked the Solomon Kane movie, for instance. I thought the film had its heart in the right place, it was well-cast and well-acted, and it was reverent to the original stories' motivating principles. I was willing to overlook some serious deviations from the REH version of the character because it was a pretty decent movie.

But CtB3D is as unsatisfying as Zamoran fried lizard on a stick...

Congratulations!

2011-05-22T17:14:00.002-04:00

If you're reading this, then you've successfully made it through the prophesized apocalypse.

I can only surmise that Buffy Summers has once again closed the gates of the Hellmouth. Or perhaps the Aesir kept Loki chained, Fenris tethered, and Jormungandr slumbering in the sea bed.

The next doomsday is slated for December 21st, 2012. On that date, Quetzalcoatl will return to mark the end of the Mayan Calendar. That's right, Mexican Doomsday -- not just for Tequila hangovers anymore.

It's A Long Way to the Top If You Want to Raock and Roll

2011-05-22T17:09:00.002-04:00

AC/DC, with original vocalist Bon Scott, plays the greatest rock song ever that features bagpipes.

Yes, BAGPIPES!

Wicked Game

2011-05-17T20:56:00.002-04:00

What can I say but... "DAY-um!"

Jeff Whye?

2011-05-15T11:54:00.002-04:00

And the answer is: "Whye not."

Another Iron Sky Trailer

2011-05-15T11:36:00.002-04:00

The folks making Space Nazi / Action / Comedy movie Iron Sky have released yet another trailer. I'm beginning to wonder if that's all they'll ever release.

Note: Space Nazis playing with toy rocketships and making engine noises are figures of ridicule. Actual Nazis are not cool. Not cool at all.

A Well Deserved Salute.

2011-05-13T23:32:00.001-04:00

Better late than never. Good hunting, gentlemen.

A Fistful of Paintballs

2011-05-10T17:27:00.002-04:00

I don't watch much TV. But I caught the first part of Community's season ender, "A Fistful of Paintballs."

Conan the Barbarian Movie Posters

2011-05-10T16:50:00.005-04:00

My last post provided a tentative nod toward the new Conan the Barbarian movie based on how the trailer "looks."

"Looks" are important to a brand. It has to be recognizable to the consumer. Don't underestimate the importance of brand design.

So it's no surprise, really, that the movie poster also take cues from the visual design already associated with the Conan brand. While they aren't blatant rip-offs, the posters do bear a remarkable resemblance to Frazetta cover art from the Conan books.

Now, this isn't bad. It shows a certain amount of Brand awareness which is welcome. Also, there is a long and well-established tradition of borrowing from the masters. If a visual works, don't muck around with it. The posters are homage, not theft.

But on the other hand... Does it betray a certain lack of imagination? It would be snarky of me to complain too much, as the original movie poster was also more than a little reminiscent of Frazetta's work -- and he was still alive and working at the time! They could've at least hired him to do the poster.

New, Full Length Conan the Barbarian Trailer

2011-05-09T17:15:00.002-04:00

Okay, as you know, I've had my eye on this one for awhile. And you must also know that I've had some serious issues with the buzz surrounding this.

But I'm willing to say that this trailer LOOKS pretty good.

Emphasis on the word "looks."

There are plenty of great looking movies these days. Take Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3, for instance. I love to watch -- note my choice of verb -- those movies. They are not great stories, and are redeemed mostly by Johnny Depp's astounding character work.

The new Conan movie "looks" promising. I will probably go see it. But I'm still very guarded about the story.

On the other hand, I recently saw the Solomon Kane movie and I was willing to give a free pass to some of their changes to the character based on how the production design succeeded. It looked like Solomon Kane's world and James Purefoy was excellent. I'm vainly hoping for a sequel that will take him deeper into Africa.

Men of Action : Action Figures

2011-05-06T17:18:00.011-04:00

UBL's last Tweet: "BRB. Someones @ the door."

Not too long ago, the Hong Kong based action figure manufacturer, Soldier Story, produced an amazing 1/6 scale (12") action figure they labeled: DEVGRU Gold Team. This was a reference to the Naval Special Warfare Development Group, one of the current publicly known designations for the now famous SEAL Team 6.

What set the figure apart was the brand new AOR1 camouflage uniform, which was recently approved for SEAL Team use.

As an early release of this pattern, which is not available to the general public in full-size (or 1/1 scale) items, the figure was already highly collectible. Plus it included a number of unique pieces of gear and equipment.

Soldier Story had no way of knowing that SEAL Team 6 would become heroes by being the unit that finally brought justice to Usama Bin Laden's door.

I was sorely tempted to buy one of these. I don't buy many action figures these days, and most of them are characters, not military. The MSRP on this figure was about $130.00 and that was a little much for my wallet.

I immediately thought of this when I first heard about UBL overdue passing. It wasn't my first thought, but it was a thought. But I was already asleep when the news broke in my house. It wasn't until 4am when I woke up to use the bathroom that my wife rolled over and said, "Oh, they killed Bin Laden last night." So I was instantly wired, and I thought about a lot of things as I lay there in the dark.

I should've jumped on line and purchased on of these. The last eBay price I saw for one of these was nearly $200.oo and I expect it to climb. At least until someone makes a special UBL Raid edition DEVGRU figure. And they will.

But the folks who do have one of these in their collections certainly have something special. Because it is very likely a close approximation of one of the assault team that made a house call last Sunday. Except for one significant detail; I'll let you hunt for it.

This figure represents state of the art in Special Operations equipment, starting with the aforementioned AOR1 uniform by Crye Industries, to the Mechanix gloves, London Bridge load bearing gear...

This photo shows off the forearm wallet with window. You put your maps or the photos of your high value targets in there for quick recognition. It can unfold for quick reference to other vital reminder information.

Non-standard climbing boots -- most-likely Asolos.

ZAP tapes with alpha-numeric callsigns so names don't need to be used over the comms. These are reversible so they won't be visible if you need more stealth.

A personal lanyard. Some styles are designed to latch onto your downed comrade's webgear so you can pull him to safety. Others are intended to attach you to your super-secret-squirrel stealth helicopter so you don't fall out in the unlikely event the passenger compartment doors are left open.

Goggles so dust doesn't get in your eye when you're staring down a monster.

Minimal reloads because you make every shot count, and you don't need more than five magazines to bring the pain. Oh, and a blow-out kit just in case today is the day your Superman powers fail you and the bullets don't bounce off.

Your primary -- an HK416 with Eotech site -- for slaying bodies. And your secondary -- a SIG P226 or 228 -- in the unlikely event your primary jams. (And why would it? You treat it better than your wife or girlfriend, or both.)

A hydration system, maybe London Bridge, but looks a lot like the Eagle Industries Yote.

Cool, mock turtleneck with zipper, so you can look all fly when you get back to A-Stan and shed your second and first line gear so you're comfortable when you take digital pictures of your targets body and swab DNA for positive identification.

Even more pictures of this amzing figure and an in-depth review can be found at https://www.monkeydepot.com/Articles.asp?ID=197

But then again... It was night time. Maybe the SEAL raiders looked more like these Soldier Story CIA SAD Black Ops action figures. At least they have the missing piece of vital equipment: the Night Vision goggles.

A Goddam Sexual Tyrannosaurus... Just Like Me.

2011-04-29T19:03:00.004-04:00

Again, not one of mine. But possibly the most awesome custom figure I've seen lately.

Brandon, Mississippi

2011-04-28T20:01:00.003-04:00

The town of Brandon, Mississippi apparently loved Marine Staff Sergeant Jason Rogers, who was killed in Afghanistan.

This is video shot from the dashboard of a state police cruiser escorting Staff Sergeant Rogers' funeral motorcade.

Did you notice anything missing? Like maybe some looney-tunes protestors who I refuse to name in order to raise their Google ranking?

It seems that the town and surrounding county organized to handle a certain group of infamous protestors. I won't say that everything was strictly legal, but then, when you place yourselves outside of society, you shouldn't necessarily expect all of society to welcome you with hugs or rush to your assistance when you get in a spot of trouble.

Whip My Hair on Jimmy Fallon (w/Bruce Springsteen)

2011-04-24T12:47:00.001-04:00

1/6 Scale Fantasy Tavern

2011-04-24T12:43:00.002-04:00

Sadly, this ain't mine. But it is very impressive work.

Say What?

2011-04-22T21:27:00.003-04:00

Huh?

You've been out shopping someplace and overheard a family of immigrants speaking a language you just don't understand. It's somewhat disconcerting. You don't know the content of the speech, obviously, but there's something alien about the rhythm and cadence of the speech too.

But have you ever wondered what it must be like on the other end of that? What American English sounds like to native speakers of other languages?

So what is this? Well, according to one helpful commentator on the Internet it's a 1972 song called, "Prisencolinensinainciusol" by Adriano Calentano with his wife Claudia Mori. Everything is total gibberish designed to sound like American English. In effect, this is what we sound like to "them." Or, at least Calentano and his missus. Although as a hit, it must have sounded like a good approximation to a fair number of other people too.

Maybe they just liked the beat. The song is catchy.

A Blog that makes me LOL

2011-04-14T16:55:00.002-04:00

OK, I realize this is going to raise a few eyebrows, but... Bangable Dudes in History is definitely a blog that makes me LOL. The concept is hilarious. And no, I'm not gay. ("Not that there's anything wrong with that...") Someone needs to start the Bangable Chicks in History blog now... I promise to plug them too.

Fallon Friday

2011-04-09T19:58:00.002-04:00

Stephen Colbert sings "Friday" on Jimmy Fallon's late night show, with a little help from his friends.

Borders farewell

2011-04-07T17:05:00.002-04:00

This is a scene from one of the many Borders stores that is closing. The empty shelves are in the Career Reference section. The quote on the wall reads, "When I get a little money, I buy books. And if there is any left over, I buy food." -- Erasmus

X-Men: First Class

2011-04-06T20:00:00.002-04:00

This isn't the real opening credits sequence for X-Men: First Class, but given how well it captures the 1960's / Bond movie aesthetic, maybe it should be.

I wasn't wildly enthusiastic about X-Men: First Class when I heard about it, but the more I see and hear, the more interested I become.

Helmet's View

2011-04-05T21:21:00.002-04:00

This is footage shot from a camera mounted on the helmet of a member of the Australian Commando Regiment fighting in Afghanistan.

If it seems a bit chaotic, or ends a bit anti-climatically, chalk that up to the nature of modern war. It's anything but neat and tidy, and it isn't ready-made for narrative drama.

The Black Keys

2011-04-05T20:47:00.002-04:00

I sent this around to many of my email correspondents... But it's too good not to share further.

My wife loaded all the Black Keys albums on my iPod. Now I can take Howlin' For You with me on the road.

Paul Vunak's Rapid Assault Tactics & Edged Weapons

2011-04-03T11:19:00.005-04:00

I haven't been writing much on my martial arts practice these past few months. I haven't given up, in fact, I expanded my practice. In January 2010, I started regular BJJ classes. My exposure and practice of BJJ had been sporadic up until then. Let me be honest, my taijutsu dojo's owner and head instructor was adding to his own arsenal by practicing BJJ and using us as grappling dummies. We showed enough interest, and his own practice of the art advanced to the point where first his staff started taking lessons and getting ranked, and then classes were offered to the main student body.

In late May-early June, 2010, a good friend of mine started his quest to build a martial arts instruction business and began offering Jeet Kune Do (JKD) classes. His line of instruction goes through Paul Vunak's organization, and he is certified to teach Vunak's Rapid Assault Tactics and Edged Weapons curriculum. "RAT" is a stripped down version of JKD, and was developed back in the 80's as a combatives program for the Navy SEALs. The Edged Weapons curriculum was developed for similar reasons. I'm really enjoying expanding my martial arts practice. I think these two additional disciplines are meshing nicely with my old taijutsu training, and filling in some important gaps. Here's a video of Vunak teaching an edged weapons seminar:

Here's a video of Vunak discussing his philosophy of edged weapons:

Given that my buddy is just starting out, I'd probably be remiss not to post his teaching POC information:

Facebook

Website -- I suspect he's been updating his Facebook page with the most recent information, but this may still be helpful for background info.

Here's Paul Vunak's website for deeper info on the system.

BBC Series trailer: Human Planet

2011-03-27T11:11:00.001-04:00

This is a trailer for a BBC series called "Human Planet" which is sort of a nature series looking at the human animal.

Or is it an anthropological series shot like a mature documentary?

I don't know, but it sure is beautiful and breathtaking.

Captain America: The First Avenger

2011-03-24T17:15:00.003-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen... The trailer:

SuckerPunch?

2011-03-23T20:40:00.002-04:00

So the folks behind SuckerPunch have been releasing animated shorts as teasers and exposition for the fantasy scenes in the movie. I posted the WWI Steampunk Zombie one not long ago. Now we've got a knights and dragons clip:

That's not bad. Not bad at all.

Here's an excerpt from the movie itself:

I dunno... It's fulfilling my expectations, but... I can't put my finger on it, but somehow, seeing this has made me less excited about seeing the movie.

Mjolner!

2011-03-23T19:58:00.002-04:00

You know you want the most accurate replica of Thor's Mighty Hammer Mjolner that you can find. And this, apparently, is it.

Googling "Clay Williams" (the artist) and "Eaglewood Sculpts" provides some social networking pages, but no official website. So I can't tell you how much 20 lbs. of oak, aluminum, and leather will cost you. But I'm sure it ain't super cheap to get a semi-custom Mjolner.

Elizabeth Taylor: Icon

2011-03-23T19:56:00.002-04:00

What can you say when an icon dies?

Time Out for Art: Gary Gianni

2011-03-22T20:34:00.002-04:00

Solomon Kane.

The fan film I posted not long ago inspired me to pick up my copy of the Solomon Kane stories illustrated by Gary Gianni and reread the Puritan swordsman's adventures.

I've heard some surprisingly good things about the recent Solomon Kane movie that was never released in the States. I'm looking to get a DVD and see it sometime soon. In the meantime, I'll revel in the original stories and Gianni's fantastic art.

History shows again and again...

2011-03-22T20:09:00.003-04:00

How nature points out the folly of men.

Not surprisingly, internet searches for the term "Godzilla" spiked after the Japanese Triple Disaster. io9 has a wonderful essay on the topic here.

I know I made a few Godzilla jokes in the aftermath, and I wasn't alone. But I'm a firm believer that humor is best when there is some truth in it, and it is a useful tool for navigating some of life's more difficult moments. As the essay points out, there are solid, poignant reasons why people reached out for the familiar big lizard-guy to help cope with the tragedy.

I am sure that Japan will prove just as unstoppable and resilient as Godzilla.

SuckerPunch teaser

2011-03-16T20:20:00.002-04:00

I have zero hope that Sucker Punch will be a good story. However, I am prepared to sit back, leave my disbelief at the door to the theater, and drink in the crazy quilt of visuals.

What's not to like? Pretty girls, automatic weapons, wire-fu, mecha, giant samurai, ork stormtroopers, helicopters, dragons... I'm sure I'll be happy so long as the explosions keep coming.

Film is a visual medium, and while I appreciate a great story with all the Aristotelean unities, sometimes a shattering dream- or nightmare-scape can fill the bill just as well.

Here is an animation "inspired" by the steampunk, nightmare version of World War I trench warfare in which dead soldiers are turned into Industrial Age techno-zombies.

You know... those guys have more than a passing resemblence to WH40K Death Korps of Krieg... Where's my epic WH40K live-action movie???

Fan-Made Films: The Return of Sir Richard Grenville

2011-03-14T17:39:00.003-04:00

I'm not, generally speaking, a fan of Fan-Made Films. But I stumbled into this one and thought it was actually very good.

Lost City of Atlantis Believed Found Off Spain!

2011-03-14T16:41:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I don't have to write the headlines. This one was written by MSNBC.com!

Sadly, despite the hype, I doubt these are the remains of Atlantis. Although my eyebrow did rise slightly at the mention of the concentric rings. But the world is rife with submerged areas of land, cities, castles, and ruins. That doesn't automatically make them Atlantis.

Captain Tightpants rides again!

2011-03-13T16:56:00.001-04:00

I found this in my email inbox from a fan. I interpreted this as a desperate call to post it. Although I'm certain all true Browncoats have poured over this scene countless times already.

Conan the Barbarian Trailer

2011-03-12T11:56:00.002-05:00

The good thing is that this trailer leaves many questions unanswered; which makes me want to see the movie.

The bad thing is... these are my unanswered questions:

1.) What's with all the smoke?

2.) Why does he sound like Batman?

3.) Where's my Anvil of Crom theme?

Nathan Fillion is Awesome!

2011-03-12T11:24:00.002-05:00

Nathan Fillion is a cult classic in a leading man's body. He gives up an interview in tomorrow's Parade Magazine. Here are some excerpts I loved:

P: Let's hear a few more of your geek credentials.

NF: I have a trophy case that contains all of the action figures ever made of me. It also has items I've stolen from my movies, like three guns and holsters from Serenity. And a steampunk lightsaber that somebody made me.

P: I hear you have a man cave as well.

NF: Yes, it has a big ol' TV and one of those gadgets that let you press a button and watch in 3D with the glasses on. It's also got an Xbox, I'm a Halo: Reach guy. And artists I've met at sci-fi conventions have sent me some beautiful posters from stuff I've done. I'm better-looking in them than I really am, so those are good to have.

P: What are you reading now?

NF: A novel I've already read three times, World War Z, by Max Brooks. It's an oral history of a 10-year zombie infection 10 years after it happened. It's terrifying.

Isn't he awesome???

Merry Christmas?

2010-12-22T20:18:00.001-05:00

Yes. I am still here. I've just been busy with my multiple other projects.

Have a Cool Yule.

What I'm Wearing Right Now

2010-07-25T12:31:00.001-04:00

My wife hates these shirts... I don't care. I'm wearing them.

Oh brother...

2010-07-20T19:27:00.002-04:00

Taking Nerd-dom to new heights!

I'm sorry. I went away on vacation and haven't been keeping up with my posting. I'll probably never actually "catch-up" but I'll try to post on something close to the old schedule.

Clarification

2010-06-29T15:36:00.002-04:00

Perhaps I need to say a few more words about my initial feelings on the Conan reboot movie.

I had a few catty words about the star, Jason Momoa. Honestly, I've got nothing against him per se. He's an actor and I'm sure he knows this is a much higher profile gig than his previous jobs on Baywatch and Stargate: Atlantis. I'm not going to blame the guy for ambition, or for winning the genetic lottery. I hear he got signed for the HBO Game of Thrones series, and that is a vote of confidence. HBO's cast is solid and the network seems committed to turning out a quality fantasy show.

I still think he's way too pretty to be Conan, but I'd give the guy a chance if everything else looked promising. Unfortunately, it doesn't.

Let's see the plot as outlined on that fount of InterTubes wisdom; Wikipedia:

"Khalar Singh, an old friend of Conan's father, Corin, arrives in Cimmeria seeking Corin's help in finding Ilira, the 'Lost Queen of Archeron.' When Corin refuses, Khalar and his mercenaries attack. Corin and the other Cimmerians are killed, but Conan escapes. Conan becomes a thief and eventually seeks revenge against Khalar for killing his father. In the meantime, Khalar has found and captured Ilira on his own, but her bodyguard Tamara escapes. Tamara meets Conan and the both travel to Khalar's city, Khor Khala."

This plot has next to nothing to do with Robert E. Howard. I could easily replace every reference to "Conan" with "The Beastmaster" and probably achieve the same resulting movie. It's generic Sword and Sorcery Plot #69. With the exception of "Conan" and "Cimmeria" none of these characters or places appear in the original stories. The plot is unrelated to anything that happens in the Howard stories.

Perhaps I'm ungenerous. After all, the Milius Conan film was at least as divergent. Well, call me a hypocrite because I'm giving that film a pass on two grounds. First, Milius and his writer (Oliver Stone) managed to capture the thematic tone of Howard's stories. Second, I grew up with the movie; it's as simple as that sometimes.

But we're now in the post-Lord of the Rings era. Would Tolkien fans have applauded a movie in which Frodo was a swashbuckling hero with a magic ring who, alongside his jovial sidekick, Gollum, worked to free Middle Earth from the Oppression of the Dark Riders? What if Hollywood insisted on matching Frodo with Arwen because all heroes need a love interest? Hmmm... Maybe Frodo is too short, hairy and his feet are too big. We should fix that. Maybe we can make Hobbits a bit taller, or elves a bit shorter. Certainly Hobbits should be a lot less hairy.

No. I don't think that would've worked well at all. Of course, Peter Jackson did make some adjustments to keep the running time down, but he remained faithful to the source material. Is there something wrong with Bob Howard's work that we can't do the same for Conan? The episodic nature of Conan's story is perfect for a movie series. I could easily see 3 - 5 Conan movies. Harry Potter has proven audiences will stick with a longer, but finite, series that move toward a conclusion.

Conan's story has many interesting aspects ripe for the screen. He's born on a battlefield, grows up in a warrior culture, and marches to war at the age of 15. His first battle is against an imperial invader challenging his way of life. Yet it sparks an intense curiosity in him, and he does something few others in Cimmeria dare do. He travels. At its core, Conan's story is about exploring the world. (BTW, this is great for providing exposition to the audience. Conan always needs to have things explained to him.) He builds a career and frequently changes jobs. He has a wonderful cast of supporting characters -- and many of them are strong female roles. He overcomes increasingly difficult challenges, and eventually achieves great fame.

There's no reason to discount Conan because he is a pulp character. If treated with respect and dignity, the source material could yield something every bit as rich and insightful as the Nolan Batman films.

So, it's not Jason Momoa I have a problem with. But I think his casting is symptomatic of the production. We're being given generic stuff under a Brand Name. I can't shake the feeling that casting Momoa was less a case of finding the right actor to portray Conan than it was a casting director thinking, "He looks fabulous with his shirt off!" Because that's all Conan is to the production: Branded, Grade-A Beefcake.

Our Star Blazers!

2010-06-29T15:10:00.003-04:00

Squee!!! New Trailers from a live action Star Blazers (a.k.a. Space Battleship Yamato) being made in Japan. Premieres there on December 1, 2010. No word on when we might see it. Still I am giddy with geeky excitement!

Villainous Robin

2010-06-29T15:02:00.002-04:00

Various reports have it that Robin Williams is interested in a role in the next Batman movie. This could sound like a recipe for disaster... unless you've seen Christopher Nolan's Insomnia. Williams plays an excellent malevolent psycho in this movie. Makes you think he might make an interesting addition to the third Batman movie.

Even Barbie falls for James Bond

2010-06-27T16:58:00.003-04:00

Mattel has released a news Collectors series of Barbies for James Bond fans. It looks like there are three in the set: Pussy Galore, Honey Ryder, and Jinx.

I wouldn't normally follow Barbie collecting, but these have some crossover appeal for genre fans. Also, these are interesting choices for the set. Finally, I love being able to say "Pussy Galore" with a straight face.

Come on, you want to say it too.

What Someone Else is Wearing Right Now...

2010-06-27T16:45:00.002-04:00

Let me explain something to a few of you... This is a cool T-shirt if you're under 10, or it's Halloween.

If you're over 30, pot-bellied, balding, and wearing white socks with moccasins while you walk around the mall... This is not a cool T-Shirt. This is advertising to the world that you are the real-life sequel to The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

Not that my taste is all that much better...

What I'm Wearing Right Now...

2010-06-27T16:41:00.001-04:00

My wife hates my Bawidamann T-shirts. But I think they're pretty cool.

Beowulf & Grendel

2010-06-27T15:59:00.003-04:00

For Father's Day, I received some cool books and new DVDs, including a copy of Beowulf & Grendel, starring Gerard Butler in a pre-Leonidas role.

I'm a big fan of the original Beowulf poem. Really. It goes back to my youth when my father read me tales out of used library book about knights and heroes. There's a simple pen& ink drawing seared into my memory of Beowulf holding Grendel's arm while the troll lopes off into the woods. In high school, my freshman West Civ teacher expressed his love for the poem, and it became a running joke among my classmates that he probably was Beowulf reincarnated.

I read it in college, and struggled with the Old English. It took awhile before I could appreciate the beauty of words I didn't really understand. It has to be read aloud for a few minutes before you begin to latch onto the rhythm and tone.

I read the Seamus Heaney translation and finally came to understand the poem as it was, not as watered down in children's versions, or a Cliff's Notes synopsis, or in the many variations on the story. I'm convinced that the original Predator movie is a direct literary descendant of Beowulf.

Of course, I saw the Zemeckis/Gaiman animated version of Beowulf (sexed up with Angelina Jolie). I admire it as an epic attempt. I especially like how they managed to make the dragon sequence more organic and less episodic. It doesn't fit the modern expectations of storytelling. But it ultimately doesn't work for me. Gaiman tinkered with the story too much.

Beowulf & Grendel suffers from one of the same flaws as the animated Beowulf, it insists on giving Grendel a motive. In this movie, it even insists on giving Grendel a sympathetic motive. There is no exposition in the epic poem about why Grendel does what he does, he is one more inexplicable force of nature. It is a random doom sent on the Danes by fate. This, BTW, is one of the reasons I think Predator is an excellent modern take on the poem. The Predator shares a shallow motivation with Grendel, and simply inserts himself into the situation for his own perverse ends.

B&G is also not an action movie, as might be expected from the source. It plods in places. But, it is a gorgeous movie, filled with Icelandic splendor. The costumes have an authentic feel, even if they aren't 100% historically accurate. (They are closer than the Zemeckis movie, however.) And, although it diverges from the epic in some significant ways, it manages to fit in most, of not all, of the key elements from the epic. Plus, it shows a skald composing Beowulf's epic as he travels with the hero.

Gerard Butler is perfectly cast as Beowulf. He is handsome and strong in a believable way, but big enough to grow in legend yet to come. He does not go through the movie screaming his dialogue. ("THIS. IS. HEOROT!!!!" sorry, I had to do it.) I also liked the way the situation makes Beowulf question his world. It would be easy to make the character a post-modern ironic figure who questions and rejects his civilization as brutal. Instead, Beowulf loses a bit on innocence about his culture.

The fights in the movie are okay, but nothing to write home about. There's the usual Hollywood silliness about fitting sword edge on sword edge and abandonment of shields. The monsters never seem all that troubled wading into a melee against a dozen armored warriors with plenty of edged weapons. Which would be fine in a magical setting, but this movie is more naturalistic, and the opening scene makes it clear it doesn't take enchanted weapons to bring down a troll.

I can recommend this movie for an alternate take on fantasy movies, or if you have a thing for the original epic, or Viking movies. I can't promise you'll love it, but you will find something to appreciate in it.

I'm going soft...

2010-06-27T15:33:00.002-04:00

Sigh... Chalk me up as another male victim of Toy Story 3.

On Friday I received my latest issue of Entertainment Weekly and found a short article on men crying at Toy Story 3. I thought, "Jeez."

That night I went to my new stick fighting/edged weapon class (Paul Vunak's Progressive Fighting Systems kali) to work out and my friend (who's also the instructor) admitted he cried because it reminded him of his bear Fliff, who was lost in a move between his dad's Air Force assignments.

I took my daughter today, and I made it through most of the movie without a problem. And then I got to the end... and something about it really touched me. I could feel the lump in my throat and the tears welling. I don't need to spoil it for you, because I'm not sure what it was that got me. I think it was simply the joy of being able to lose oneself into a world of imagination that fades as adulthood creeps up. Once you begin to accept that the real world is not always nice -- that 9/11 can happen, or you can get mugged for the $5 in your wallet -- you can't go back. You can recognize it in children, and you can touch it when you're asked to be creative. But you can never get that innocence back.

I don't think I cried because I was sad about losing that innocence. I cried because it is a beautiful thing.

Conan Reboot?

2010-06-27T15:14:00.003-04:00

Frazetta is probably rolling over in his grave...

I recently learned there is a Conan the Barbarian reboot movie in production. It stars the unknown, but beefy, Jason Momoa.

Apparently he's in some version of the Stargate franchise, and that's all I know.

I've seen two actors mentioned in the role of Conan's father, Mickey Rourke and Ron Perlman. I imagine either in that role. I saw Perlman's name mentioned more recently, however.

Rachel Nichols plays some young, female, and beautiful who can also fight burly men on equal terms. The description of her character reads, in part, "She is not intimidated by Conan's size (!) or grim demeanor and their alliance eventually blossoms into something that surprises them both." Somehow, I doubt I'll be all that surprised when Conan shtupps her. And what's with "blossoms"? Crom, what weak humored woman wrote this shite? The only thing that should blossom around Conan are spurts of blood from the wounds of his foemen.

Conan tracks Khalar Singh across the Hyborian world. Khalar who? I don't know either. It's another generic fantasy strawman for Conan to beat up on.

Apparently the reams of material left behind by Robert Howard can not be adapted into a movie. REH was just too brilliant. I'm sure the same goes for the rich, vivid artists who have successfully handled Conan: Frazetta, Gianni, Buscema. Nope, we'll just have to keep Conan mostly naked and plop him onto the most available Fantasyland backlot.

Why can't Hollywood just do a straight movie from the Conan material? It shouldn't be that hard. You open the reboot movie with him chasing the Frost Giant's daughter and getting nto a fight with her brothers. Then he heads south to become a thief. There are several excellent thief stories to carry the first portion of his career. As the movie ends, he escapes some jailer and heads for the coast to become a pirate. The second movie has him raiding Hyborian shipping, only to be pirated himself by Belit. There's a whole movie there with Conan and Belit in the jungle. When Belit dies, Conan heads east onto the steppes to work as a mercenary captain. On and on it goes until you finish a series with Conan being crowned King of Aquilonia. It's not hard!!!

BTW, I don't have a problem with casting an unknown. I could even see casting a wrestler or MMA fighter, in fact, that might work for the best because the problem I have with Jason Momoa is: Conan held a lot of jobs, but he was never a male model! Momoa is to pretty. He needs to be punched in the face a few times before he looks like Conan. (Not that I'm advocating punching Jason Momoa in the face.)

I'm probably too harsh. Arnold doesn't really look like Conan either, according to the descriptions. But he also looked like he lived a little, and wasn't primped and preened by professionals to get his hair "just right."

Even the Grim Grey God Deserves Some Bling

2010-06-12T09:49:00.004-04:00

Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin in Marvel's upcoming Thor movie. Odin traded his eye for the knowledge of the Runes and the power to rule the Gods and the Cosmos. Traditionally, he is described as draping locks of his long, grey hair over the empty socket. Here we see the updated

Odin is sporting some kind of golden eye-patch fixed in place over the socket.

Should I hire the A-Team?

2010-06-12T09:35:00.002-04:00

This seemed like a great idea. I mean... The A-Team. It's a perfect franchise to bring to the screen. The episode formula is can't miss. Plus, you get four quirky characters and they're matched to four interesting actors. It's well cast.

And it looks like a blast to film. Dang, I would've loved to be in a movie like this. Getting paid to shoot guns, knife fight, wear cool tactical clothing. Dream job. (Especially the risk free part...) No, I don't blame these guys for taking the job. I would've too, even if I'd read the script before hand...

You see... and technically these are SPOILERS, even though it's all available on released footage; The A-Team flys a tank. Yes. They fly a freaking tank. M1A2 Abrams main battle tank. They survive by landing in a lake. Yes. Free fall into a lake. I understand the concept of suspension of disbelief, but somethings just leap over the brink into obvious impossibility, both jumping the shark and nuking the fridge at the same time.

So I think I'll pass on this movie for the moment. Oh, I might watch it for free when it arrives on Spike TV (this is a movie tailor made for Spike). But I'm not going to contribute to the dumbing down of America by voting with my wallet for this ridiculousness.

Meanwhile, Liam Neeson is laughing all the way to the bank. He loves it when a plan comes together.

Speaking of Silent Interlude

2010-06-11T21:58:00.000-04:00

See below...

The Newest Karate Kid (does Kung Fu?)

2010-06-11T20:42:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I haven't seen this movie yet. So, I will refrain from making any comments on the movie. However, that didn't stop this man. Out of a possible 5 Cobras, he gives it one LaRusso.

The remake has inspired amateur film makers and editors to flood YouTube with some amusing takes on the original.

I'm debating whether or not to take my five year old daughter to see the remake this weekend. I have no qualms about showing her the original, but I don't have a copy in the house. I'm a little afraid that the remake (good or bad) may sour her on the original, which really is a great family movie.

Marvel Movie title caards revealed

2010-06-11T19:29:00.002-04:00

Best info I have is that these are the official logos for the next two Avengers movies, Thor and Captain America.

Oh, and here's a spot from Entertainment Tonight in which Natalie ("He's got a big appetite.") Portman and Chris ("Over here!") Whatshisname dish on each other. After watching this... I can't believe Kenneth Brannagh is directing Thor.

Follow up on Red Ninja

2010-06-11T19:06:00.003-04:00

Sideshow Collectibles posted the GI Joe Red Ninja figures for sale today. Two versions are available. The Exclusive and the Production versions.

The red uniform is very detailed, and appears to be significantly different from the white uniform that came with Storm Shadow. While calling it "authentic" is problematic on several levels, it certainly has an authentic feel to it. He looks like a highly detailed stereotypical ninja. It makes me wish for an equally authentic looking shinobi shozoku in full scale for those days (Halloween, April Fools, December 5th) when I have to LARP. It looks comparable to the Sonny Chiba Hattori Hanzo action figure I got imported from Japan. I hope it looks this good when it arrives.

The Exclusive variant comes with an interchangeable head featuring this black, armored mask in addition to the red mask you see in the other pictures. Very intimidating.

He comes with a ton of accessories. His weapons include a ninjato long sword, a ninjato short sword, a tanto, a yari, a set of shuriken, a kusarigama, and a pair of sai. This means that if I went hog wild and bought three of these things (roughly $390) I could exactly recreate the infamous "Silent Interlude" comic book (GI Joe #21). In which Snake Eyes fends off three red ninja armed with a katana, a kusarigama, and a pair of sai. Very slick, Sideshow, and I'm reasonable sure that was intentional.

Again, the announcement of this figure was something of a disappointment to fans of the line. But standing alone as a ninja figure, the prototypes are awesome and come with great accessories. I for one am excited and placed my order. (BTW, I only ordered the one.)

However, like everyone else, I'm waiting for the ladies in this line. I need a Scarlet to go with my Snake Eyes. I would probably buy a Baroness. And I would be interested in a Jinx. So get with it Sideshow!

"I'm going to need to see some ID, please..."

2010-06-08T20:23:00.003-04:00

"Why, certainly, officer..."

Although it is temporarily out of stock at Entertainmentearth.com, you too can secure your very own official set of SHIELD credentials. They come in a handsome embossed leather wallet and include the metal badge and two ID cards: one for Nick Fury (the Sam Jackson version), and a blank one for you to complete!

Yes, you can be an Agent of Shield!

Unlike many Marvel prop replicas, this is a pretty reasonable $39.99, which isn't too extravagant. You want one, don't you?

Anyone remember Twin Peaks?

2010-06-08T20:02:00.002-04:00

God, I sure do... I remember the first time Kyle MacLachlan as FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper ordered his first cup of coffee in town.

I remember the sleazy brothel, One Eyed Jack's, that was just across the border. That show was great for atmosphere. I mean, I really, really wished I was there to experience it all first hand.

There was real mystery in that town. All those larger than life characters. I felt like I knew them, or wished I did. I hear the series is available as a free download on CBS.com. I'll have to check that out -- I really hope it's still available. I'm dying to see it again; aren't you?

Oh, I almost forgot to mention sultry Sherilynn Fenn... Silly me.

Tales from the Training Journal: Progress (?)

2010-06-07T17:22:00.002-04:00

I was (very) informally practicing a fair amount of BJJ prior to my knee injury a couple of years ago. It involved some haphazard technique training and a lot of "learn as you go" rolling. I felt like a got pretty good at it. I could make most of my classmates tap -- sooner or later...

Was I really any good? That's hard to say. But I was in good shape fitness-wise, and I felt like I was successful.

Then I tore my ACL. I got surgery, and went right into rehab. I came back to martial arts and refocused on the Taijutsu. Mostly, this was because that was what was available. The school still sponsored the occasional BJJ session, but the opportunity was to train Taijutsu. It also took a long time for my knee to feel right. It's still not 100%. I've really pushed it the last week, and it's twinging a little.

In January, the dojo established a "real" BJJ program -- twice a week official classes that followed a curriculum, and the potential for belt ranking. I jumped and for the last six months, I've really been focusing on BJJ. I was a little disappointed at first because we had some completely new people in class, and the instructor wasn't ready to let us all roll.

He was probably right. Some of the new guys would've been destroyed and just gotten frustrated before leaving. But the Friday before Memorial Day weekend, we were finally allowed to roll.

Whoa. I really suck now.

Oh, I must've sucked before and just not known it. But I do feel like I've regressed. That Friday night, I rolled with four different folks. I tapped NONE of them, but I held my own against three of them. One of them is strong like a bull and just manhandled me like I was a UPS box shipped at Christmas. On the bright side, I was able to roll with four different people in three minute rounds (12 minutes total) and not gas out. So my fitness seems to be progressing well.

So, back to the studies. More conditioning, more drilling the movements, more rolling, and even more hitting the books. I want that blue belt.

Teaser Poster for Captain America?

2010-06-07T17:15:00.002-04:00

Sadly, the word is no. This is a fan-made mock-up. But it's still pretty cool.

D-Day

2010-06-06T10:18:00.003-04:00

D-Day. Looking back, the outcome seems inevitable; but at the time, it wasn't. Gen. Eisenhower had two messages prepared when the invasion began. The unused one was an apology for the failure.

Is there a person reading this who hasn't seen the opening minutes of Saving Private Ryan? In a way, we've all been through D-Day. But no one would be foolish enough to say watching the movie comes close to the real thing. The film couldn't capture the briny smell of the ocean, mingling with the vomit in the bottoms of the landing craft. The sulfer smell of explosives and spent gunpowder. The coppery smell of blood. One can only imagine the stinging sea spray, or the concussive push of displaced air, or the bumps, bruises, scraps and cuts that came from the mad scramble off the beach.

How can one imagine the emotions of uncertainty, religious awe, profound loss, duty, survival instinct, raw anger? You can't, unless you've been there.

The National D-Day Memorial is not in Washington DC. It resides in Bedford, a small town in Virginia. This town has the sad disinction of suffering the highest per capita loss of life in the D-Day invasion. It sacrificed 19 men that day for the liberation of Europe, the defeat of Facisim, and -- yes -- our freedom. 19 men may not seem like a lot, but this small town essentially lost an entire generation of young men.

The young men all knew one another very well through their whole lives. They joined the 29th Division (Blue and Grey) of the National Guard. National Guard service was practically a rite of passage in the small town, and in more peaceful times, it was seen as a way to earn a little extra money, get together with the guys, and drink. Times change...

The 29th Division's swirled Blue and Grey emblem was reflective of the fact that soldiers in the Division came from states from both sides of the Civil War. The 29th Division was chosen to spearhead the Normandy invasion because the troops were green. They had never seen combat. This was deemed an advantage for the assault because they lacked the certain knowledge of how bad combat really is. The chance of them balking was somewhat lower. Of course, the command had to know the casualties would be massive, and using battle-hardened veterans in the first wave would be even more wasteful.

I know we just had Memorial Day, but pause again and consider the undertaking and sacrifice of D-Day, a true hinge moment in history. Gen. Patton once said, "It is wrong and foolish to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God such men lived." I thank God such men lived, and that so many of them were gathered together on that one awful day in June.

Sideshow Red Ninja

2010-06-05T17:02:00.002-04:00

Sideshow Collectibles recently announced the next 1/6 (12") figure in their GI Joe line will be a Cobra Red Ninja. Now, while this was bad news for the folks wanting more individual Joe characters to be released, and all of us waiting for the ladies (Baroness, Scarlet, Lady Jaye, Jinx...) to appear, I will be happy to place an order for one. I'm sure it won't be cheap. The other ninja figures in the line have hovered at $120. But my 12" action figure collecting has dwindled down to almost nothing, so I'm not dropping big bucks on toys like I used to do. And as a big ninja fan, I can justify getting this new addition to the display case. I really like how this figure is not simply a rehash of Storm Shadow done in red. It reuses some parts, but the costume is new and different.

Resolute: Snake Eyes vs. Storm Shadow to the finish

2010-06-05T11:59:00.003-04:00

"I don't need swords to kill you. I'll kill you with my hands!"

GI Joe: Resolute was an animated reboot that came out about the same time as the live action movie. It was written by Warren Ellis, who had no interest in the franchise prior to being asked to write it. He told the producers as much over the phone, but was intrigued when the answer came back, "That's why we want you."

This martial arts climax has more in common with Chinese Kung Fu movies than Japanese samurai/ninja movies or lore. Still, it's pretty good. I think it's more emotionally satisfying than the live action confrontation.

Norwegian Ninja

2010-06-04T21:02:00.003-04:00

Um... wow. What can I possible say except... "Be one of us. Be a ninja."

The Avengers Costumes Revealed!

2010-06-04T19:59:00.003-04:00

Avengers Assemble! This week, Hollywood released reliable pictures of the costumes for the next two major Marvel heroes to hit the silver screen: Thor and Captain America.

Here's a full length shot of Thor. Yes, the image is photoshopped. It's a visual mock-up showing all the elements in place. So it may not be the "final" version...

In fact, this larger image similar to one released earlier seems to show the "chainmail-like" armor serves as Thor's pants too. That's good. I always thought more pants should be armored. Please not the blurry background image of the Trickster Loki sporting his comic book accurate horns.

There's a lot of heat going around about how Thor doesn't look Viking enough. Meh. That's true. But we're talking about MARVEL CONTINUITY Thor. He never looked all that authentically Viking to begin with. Plus, in the myths, it's very clear Thor is red-headed -- not blond. Let's take a chill here, folks. I think he looks pretty good for a comic book Thor.

But... no helmet?

Here's the photo-shopped Captain America. I don't think it looks too shabby. You'll note they did away with Cap's buccaneer boots. There's been some rumor that this is Cap's fighting outfit, and that he has a USO appearance outfit too -- maybe that's more like the comic book?

Rumors are also getting printed that they've signed a number of actors for notable minor roles, including a Dum Dum Dugan and a Hawkeye. Nathan Fillion is being floated as Hank Pym, Giant Man. Hmmm. We'll see, we'll see...

Dr. Goldfoot & the Bikini Machine?

2010-06-04T19:50:00.002-04:00

One of the local television stations has been frittering away weekend afternoons by running old Frankie and Annette movies. I've had them on in the background while working in the basement. No, these aren't Oscar-worthy classics, but they are harmless, weightless, and vaguely amusing. Plus: 60's girls in bikinis! (Duh?)

Anyway, the station must be reaching the end of their library. They've worked through the well-known beach party movies and recently showed Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine, a sorta James Bond spoof in which Vincent Price plays a villain using fembots to seduce rich men in the name of world domination.

Bad? Oh, yes. Incredibly bad. But Vincent Price apparently brought the surplus sets from The Pit and the Pendulum with him -- and remember: 60's girls in bikinis!

Although Price was well-known for bringing camp to his horror roles, I'm always a little disappointed to see him in full-on comedy. I suppose it's good he didn't take himself too seriously. Supposedly, one of his favorite acting gigs was his Batman TV appearance as "Egghead." Sadly, I missed the station's airing of The Conqueror Worm which finds Price in one of his great dramatic roles as England's self-proclaimed Witchfinder-General.

Memorial Day Weekend 2010

2010-05-29T16:22:00.003-04:00

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below

We are the dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

in Flanders Fields

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders Fields

Arlington National Cemetary

Longshot

2010-05-26T20:09:00.003-04:00

Congratulations! British Army sniper Corp. Craig Harrison recently broke the record for long distance combat shooting.

He took out two Taliban machine gunners from about a mile and a half away. He says it was a once in a life time shot possible only under the perfect conditions of the day, "no wind, mild weather, clear visibility."

The previous record was held by a Canadian sniper who also made his shot in Afghanistan.

Geek Pride Day!

2010-05-26T19:58:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, May 25, was Geek Pride Day. But even though I'm late, I can't let that go by without comment. Come on, this whole website is my bid to be named King of the Geeks.

Why May 25? Because this is a red letter day in the history of modern geekdom. On May 25, 1977 the world was forever changed by the release of Star Wars IV: A New Hope. No, I don't know why they didn't pick the anniversary of the first day Star Trek aired on television. Tough noogies, buster.

It's also not my fault that May gets two days commemorating Star Wars. May 4th is Star Wars Day. You know, "May the fourth be with you."

This year, we get to celebrate 30 years of The Empire Strikes Back.

FOUND

2010-05-23T17:44:00.002-04:00

LOST will end its truly epic run tonight. I watched LOST very closely for the first couple of seasons, but as often happens these days with television shows and me... I was forced to make a choice -- train in martial arts, or stay home to watch TV. Of course, I chose training.

Schedules may have changed, but I was hopelessly confounded by LOST when I tried picking it up again. So I'm consigned to watching it all on DVD someday. I won't be watching the finale tonight, and I will try not to learn too much about how it all ends for the Oceanic passengers and their Other companions.

But in honor of this event, I want to say a word about Terry O'Quinn, one of LOST's most crucial actors.

Some of you may remember Terry O'Quinn appeared on two other sci-fi television series back in the 90's, The X-Files and Millennium. He even managed to get cast in the first X-Files movie, as the FBI Special-Agent-in-Charge who get blown up near the beginning. His Millennium character, Peter Watts, was a central character for moving the larger plot forward. And as a fan of that show's particular conspiracy, I started to really notice Terry O'Quinn on screen.

Not long after The X-Files movie was released, Terry O'Quinn wandered into the bookstore at which I worked. One of the other clerks got excited and came to get me. It wasn't all that unusual to have actors and actresses or other celebrities come through our store -- but it also wasn't an everyday event. (Someday I'll tell my Yaphet Kotto story...) I told the clerk we really ought to just let O'Quinn alone. But he convinced me we should say something. So we went to talk to him.

Terry O'Quinn was not a big star at the time. But he was almost as excited to have us recognize him and his work as we were to see him. He made small talk for a few minutes, and he signed autographs. I think he was a little tickled to do so. I think we helped him find some books too, but I don't remember what they were. O'Quinn was down-to-earth and a regular guy. I hope he's still a regular guy who's excited to find he has fans. I also hope he's not so surprised that he does have fans. He's obviously a hard working actor.

That's my LOST connection. It ain't much, but this seems the time to share it.

Tax-Free Shopping on Hattori Hanzo Swords?

2010-05-23T12:05:00.002-04:00

Errr... Ok, a little background is probably necessary.

Hattori Hanzo was a retainer of Tokugawa Ieyasu. Everyone can agree that Hanzo was a samurai of hatamoto rank for Ieyasu. He is popularly known as a ninja leader for Ieyasu.

The dispute over this involves some definitional arguments about what is or is not a "ninja." The word "ninja" is only a couple hundred years old, but, of course, the functions of spy, guerrilla, commando, raider, ranger, etc. are as old as time. There are plenty of records showing unconventional warfare tactics being used in Japanese history. But the people associated with the activity carry a wide assortment of names. It's only in looking back that we might call any or all of them "ninja."

That of course brings up the question about who was or was not a "ninja." That's real quicksand stuff. In Hattori Hanzo's case, some argue that he was a ninja leader and was so valuable as to be counted among Ieyasu's hatamoto samurai. Others insist that samurai, by definition, could not be ninja. It's a bit like arguing angels and pinheads.

But in the folktales, there's no argument Hattori Hanzo was a ninja. So it comes as no surprise that outside this historical person's gravesite, you will find a tourist trap souvenir shop selling ninja novelties. Including swords like Hattori Hanzo used -- "Hattori Hanzo Swords."

This is where we get our next bit of confusion. Back in the 70's and 80's, Sonny Chiba played a series of Hattori Hanzo ninja descendants on Japanese TV. Videos of these were bootlegged and sold in the US. Quinten Tarantino watched them. When it came time to produce his own martial arts epic "Kill Bill" he wanted to fit Sonny Chiba into the story, and saw a way to incorporate Hattori Hanzo in at the same time. But instead of putting Chiba's Hanzo in as a ninja, he became a renowned swordsmith. Thus begins the pop culture idea of "Hattori Hanzo Sword" being the best on earth.

By now, I've probably killed the magic here. Oh well, mission accomplished! Tomorrow is another day...

Most Awesome Movie Concept EVER!!!!!!!!

2010-05-21T18:46:00.002-04:00

Words... fail me.

Frazetta's Artistic Heirs

2010-05-19T19:55:00.006-04:00

It is not an exaggeration to say that Frazetta had an influence on most comic book artists working today. Some may be consciously rejecting his aesthetic, but that too is an influence. In other cases, the influence may be unconscious or thematic. Adam Hughes is well known in contemporary comic art for depicting strong, but curvaceous woman. He is particularly known for his depictions of DC super heroines, but has also turned his pencil to Red Sonja.

Red Sonja is a Howard pastiche character based on an actual character named Red Sonya from Howard's short story, "The Shadow of the Vulture." This is one of Howard's historical stories about the siege of Vienna.

Someone else known for his beautiful, strong, full-figured women in the Frazetta mold is Frank Cho. Cho is a huge fan of the ERB Barsoom stories and has contributed pictures to ERB fanzines and sites.

Cho was also tapped to portray Red Sonja for this promotional piece.

Here we see the Green Martian, Tars Tarkas in full battle.

And Cho's depiction of Dejah Thoris, Princess of Mars!

In my mind, the artist coming closest to filling Frazetta's shoes is Gary Gianni. Gianni was commissioned to paint a series illustrating complete reprints of REH's principal pulp heroes. Above was Gianni's grim and noble version of Solomon Kane, Howard's Puritan adventurer.

Here we see Conan at rest. Like Frazetta, Gianni captures the solidity of a Howard Barbarian. Conan has the character of a prize fighter with his squashed face. Gianni also excels at capturing the exotic scene in detail.

A Gianni battle scene. (I think from the Bran Mak Morn series.) Like Frazetta, there is a lone hero in the thick of the fight, taking on all comers and scattering his foes. However, Gianni takes a more distant view, emphasizing the lone hero's predicament and his precarious position. The enemy may have limited access to him, but the hero has no path of retreat. Like a true Howard hero, he's in it all or nothing.

Gianni's depiction of Howard's Bran Mak Morn, last of the great Pictish Kings. The detail is astounding, and reasonably accurate to the Roman military equipment of the era. Although the fanciful Raven helmet is a nice visual pun on the Celtic name "Bran." Howard knew full well "Bran" meant "Raven," but insisted in correspondence that in his idea of Pictish language, Bran had no such meaning.

Conan makes off with another of his women. Like Frazetta, Gianni makes ample use of light and dark to set mood and draw the eye.

Can anyone truly replace Frank Frazetta? No. But we should all be grateful that so many talented artists will try. Thanks for the marvelous work, Mr. Frazetta. You'll be missed.

Frazetta's Hollywood Adventure

2010-05-18T16:23:00.004-04:00

Frazetta had something of a tumultuous relationship with Hollywood. Even so, he worked for the studios with some regularity. One of his most famous and early works for the movies was the poster for the comedy What's New Pussycat? and he turned out cartoony posters for several other 60's comedies, including The Fearless Vampire Hunters. His relationship with Hollywood reached a peak when he collaborated with Ralph Bakshi to create Fire and Ice. The movie was wholly inspired and based on original imagery from Frazetta. Unfortunately, it flopped. I've never seen it, so I can't really give you an opinion on the quality of the movie. However, from the stills I have seen, the animation probably couldn't do true justice to the lushness of a Frazetta painting.

Frazetta was asked to produce a poster image for the Robert Rodriguez movie From Dusk to Dawn. It effectively puts some of the film's best assets on display... but by the mid-90's Hollywood marketing types had already moved to computer generated images based on actor photos. It's very rare to see a painted movie one-sheet image these days. (Although Lucasfilm still does turn them out sometimes -- bless them for something!) Apparently this was used on some overseas posters. I guess Marketing thinks the US public only likes photographs and has to see a "real" picture of the actors before they'll see a movie.

Back in the late 70's, Frazetta was asked to produce a series of promotional paintings for the TV series Battlestar Galactica. (This would be the original one. You know, Lorne Greene. Rag tag fugitive fleet. Mormon science fiction.) I even remember seeing them in the newspaper's TV guide -- in black and white! The above painting was down for the two part episode in which the Galactica fleet finds the planet Kobol and a hint of a path to find earth. The plot had the fighter pilots sick with a nasty flu bug, so the fleet was relying upon female reserve pilots to protect it. (This was the 70's, when women in combat was a social issue. Now, it's a reality.) It makes sense for Frazetta to leap at the chance of depicting the curvaceous Viper pilots springing to action.

Here we see Apollo, Starbuck, and Sheba confronting the demonic Count Iblis, who has threatened the salvation of the Galactica fleet. In the background, the mysterious, angelic "ships of light" are coming to the rescue. The scene in the show really affected my pre-adolescent psyche, and scared the bejeezus out of me! When I saw it in rerun as an adult, I was shocked at how tepid it came off. (Your mileage may vary...) But again, Frazetta has found the emotional core of the scene and pulled it off majestically. It looks nothing like the source material -- but it captures the truth of the story.

Clint Eastwood asked Frazetta to paint the one-sheet image to advertise his movie, The Gauntlet. It's an apocalyptic image that is juxtaposed against the absurdity of Eastwood's snub-nosed revolver. It's true what they say, you know: size doesn't matter. Eastwood's still going to come through in the end.

Warrior Dash

2010-05-17T17:40:00.002-04:00

So I got an email today from a younger friend of mine asking if I have any interest in joining him for Warrior Dash in the Fall.

I said, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Warrior Dash!"

It's a crazy 5k race over hay bales, wooden palisades, tires, through tunnels, through bogs, through mud (but under barbed wire). And the course he's looking at has a rappelling section.

Of course I'm interested! I'll need to increase my running distance, but I'm pretty certain I can be ready for a 5k race by the Fall.

Then he tells me there's an entrance fee! But it does cover a free turkey leg, a free beer, a free t-shirt, and a free "helmet" that looks like a Flintstones Water Buffalo Lodge hat. I said, "That stuff's not 'free.' You paid for it with your entrance fee." It's not that I don't mind making myself look foolish, or that I'm intimidated by the challenge of the 5k obstacle race. But I'm not keen on paying for the privilege of looking foolish. Still... I need to run this by Mrs. JRF.

Frazetta's High Adventure

2010-05-17T17:02:00.005-04:00

We're almost finished... Today I want to showcase some of Frazetta's "other" High Adventure work. His paintings illustrating the classic pulp stories of REH and ERB tend to crowd out the covers he painted for other paperbacks of varying sorts. The first painting in this series appeared on a 1970's paperback exploring the myth and reality of Atlantis. "New Age" non-fiction books were making a big hit in the 1970's, and frequently featured lurid covers in the same style as the pulp action fiction. In addition to collecting pulp paperbacks, I have a growing collection of these paranormal "non-fiction" titles.

For me, the power of this work is in the choice of color scheme. It manages to convey melancholy, decay, and cultural decadence.

This was the cover for the semi-historical adventure, The Rogue Roman. All the hallmarks of the Frazetta style are there: naked girls, melodramatic posing, raw sensuality. But one of the things I find most intriguing about this painting is the fact that the men -- and to a lesser extent, the women too -- are more normally proportioned. Where the Conan-esque barbarians are meaty slabs of grade-A beef (can you tell I'm hungry?), these guys are smaller. Yes, they are cut like Olympic athletes, but they aren't man-mountains.

Here is a Frazetta cover for the ribald Flashman series, a raunchy 70's men's adventure series about a hero who managed to end up as a participant in various historical episodes, but was more interested in the ladies.

Frazetta was not known for depicting the American Frontier, but he did produce several illustrations of the subject. I like this one for the easy, savage grace he has imbued in character. You can sense he slips through the wilderness like a cat.

If memory serves me correct, this was the cover to one of the ERB Pellucidar books. Pellucidar was the name for Burrough's Hollow Earth realm. The Hollow Earth is one of those occult ideas that gains traction every so often, but has fallen out of favor with modern society's better understanding of geology. Frazetta did covers for most, if not all of the Pellucidar books and many of the Tarzan titles too. With her hair tossed in the air, the woman is as wild and vibrant as the saber-toothed cats, despite being posed coyly.

And lastly, we find Frazetta illustrating for National Lampoon. I have no recollection how this related to anything in the magazine. Possibly, it didn't. This is one of my favorites of his lesser known work because it is an excellent execution of a classic pulp fiction scenario. I admit it isn't as... err, "politically correct" as we might like to see today. Almost every character in this scene, including the viper, is caught in motion -- with the possible exception of the masked priest on the left. The mask adds a bit of humor as the figure looks somewhat shocked, and also like he's realized he's bit off more than he can chew.

Tomorrow we'll look at some paintings Frazetta did for Hollywood. Then we'll finish up with some heirs-apparent on Wednesday. It's obvious this Frazetta series is popular and generating more traffic to the site. I'd like to thank those of you who are stopping by.

Frazetta's Hyborian Age

2010-05-16T09:20:00.005-04:00

I'll keep my commentary to a minimum here, since I've already discussed Frazetta's connection with Conan the Cimmerian, and some of the style involved in the illustration. The piece above, the cover for the Ace edition "Conan the Adventurer" is the print hanging in my home. I think it is the best all around example of Frazetta's Conan work at least for tone.

This is one of the most famous Frazetta paintings of Conan, and it was done to illustrate the short story, "The Frost Giant's Daughter." Here Conan dispatches her two brothers. It's been reproduced many times as book covers, album cover art, posters, prints, and comic books covers. It was the next print I hoped to buy when I last checked the Frazetta museum website.

Yes, according to Frazetta, this is a visual pun.

A pencil sketch. Frazetta not only painted covers for the paperbacks, but created pen and ink sketches, and pencil drawings for later editions.

Another of my favorites, although this is not the way the original painting appeared on the cover of Conan the Buccaneer.

Frazetta's Barsoom

2010-05-14T21:01:00.003-04:00

While Frazetta is best known for his Conan paintings, he also illustrated Edgar Rice Burrough's Martian Tales.

Burroughs created the hero John Carter, a Southern gentleman who seeks refuge in a cave while being chased by bandidos in the Southwest. Falling asleep in the cave, Carter awoke to find himself mystically transported to Mars. (If you think this is a flimsy plot device, Burroughs began writing the story because he put down a pulp magazine is disgust, and decided to write a better story. Makes you wonder about how bad his inspiration was, doesn't it?)

Despite -- or maybe because of -- the flimsy plot devices, Burroughs' Martian Tales enjoyed a healthy following. Still do in many respects. They are a direct ancestor of Flash Gordon and Star Wars. Carter discovered Mars was teeming with life and civilizations, from the four-armed, green skinned Thrak warriors to the four armed white apes, to the beautiful (and scantily clad) red martians who were human in all respects except that they laid eggs. The Martians called their world Barsoom, and welcomed Carter into an existence of high adventure.

The outline may sound fantastic, but it provided Frazetta with another entire exotic, imagined world to play in with his brushes and pens. He gave life to the weird setting.

Frazetta claimed that he preferred illustrating Conan's Hyborian Age over Barsoom. The Conan fans were forgiving when his paintings and illustrations matched the tone of the story rather than depicted an actual event. Burrough's fans were detail oriented, and vocal about perceived deviations in the illustration from the plot.

Although there are obvious Frazetta stylistic similarities between the depictions of Barsoom and the Hyborian Age, I think there is a perceptible romanticism in the Barsoom work that isn't present in the Conan work. The Martian heroes are coming to the aid of damsels in distress, something you never see in the Conan work. There is even less blood in the Martian paintings. Even the accouterments about the figures are lighter and more delicate.

50 Years of the Laser!

2010-05-14T20:51:00.002-04:00

50 years ago this week, science invented the laser. At the time, no one had any use for it. It was too weak to be the sci-fi death ray everyone wanted, and they were useless for playing vinyl records. But the laser endured, and now, well... It is no exaggeration to say that you probably have several lasers in your house right now doing all kinds of neat things.

So here's to the laser! And all its awesome applications... including as an optional attachment for super villain pet sharks.

More Space Nazis invade from their secret moon base

2010-05-13T16:24:00.002-04:00

Iron Sky has a new trailer out. I have no hope this movie will play anywhere near me, but it looks awesome!

Too weird...

2010-05-13T16:03:00.003-04:00

Here's a casting rumor that's either badly garbled, flat-out wrong, or insanely genius. In any event, it's too weird to ignore. Billy Zane is supposedly in discussions to play the new Lex Luthor...

In the next Batman movie! While that appears very strange at first, it could be an inspired bit of storytelling and casting. But let's consider that the rumor is garbled first. Christopher Nolan has been linked by rumor to rebooting the Superman franchise. So maybe that's what's going on here.

On the other hand, I could see Lex Luthor tangling with Bruce Wayne, and consequently Batman. How many other super rich, super genius villains in the DC Universe have the name recognition of Lex Luthor? And he would be an interesting foil for Bruce Wayne, especially as played by Billy Zane. It could be a belated attempt by DC to infuse some of the shared universe synergy going on in the Marvel movies. But Nolan has discounted this is recent interviews.

Still, it's an interesting rumor.

Frazetta Women

2010-05-13T15:50:00.004-04:00

In addition to barbarians, Frank Frazetta was known for a certain way with women. The Frazetta woman is instantly recognizable by her obvious "charms." And although beautiful, most Frazetta women would find it hard to get work as runway models...

That's not to say a Frazetta woman is fat, but she does have some solidity to her. However, he knew people came in all shapes and sizes. Although his women all share certain characteristics, they do differ from each other and stand out as individuals. If Frazetta's barbarians show the raw power of primitive masculinity, he displays equal insight into primitive femininity. His women are sexual and sensual, but they are often both prey and predator. Is his Egyptian Queen trapped, or lying in wait? It's hard to say... maybe, like the chained leopard, she's a little of both?

Frazetta also understood this primal femininity had a playful side, and many of his erotic artworks display innocence and a sense of humor.

Wussies...

2010-05-13T15:36:00.003-04:00

"Don't judge me."

"Too late."

These words passed between my firefighter friend and me last Friday as we settled in to watch Iron Man 2. We were enjoying the previews: The Last Airbender and Inception both looked good, and I was eagerly awaiting the mysterious Super 8. But I was assaulted by The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.

Ugh. Like it wasn't already difficult enough to hold down my lunch of movie theater nachos and "cheese" sauce...

I can't blame my firefighting pal -- he was sucked in by his Twihard new wife. That happens. And while I'll never let him live it down, I understand how it is with long love. He's got an excuse.

Not so the 19-year-old kid at my dojo who recently -- and loudly -- proclaimed in the locker room that there are only two movies he wants to see all Summer: Twilight, and The Last Dance. I was disgusted, and in front of everyone, I demanded he turn in his man card immediately.

I'm not without my romantic side. I have a soft spot for The Princess Bride and Say Anything... But this crap is ridiculous.

Finally, a note to Hollywood: to be a real saga, you need to have some some beautiful women, derring-do, revenge, a tragic ending, a holmgang, and most of all, some Vikings. Get it straight.

How to know when you've gone too far.

2010-05-12T21:01:00.004-04:00

How do you know your little hobby has become an obsession?

It's one thing to have your own 40K Cadian Officer cosplay outfit... But to convince a dozen of your closest friends to be Cadian Kasrkin is pushing it.

Okay, so this guy has definitely taken his 40K Cosplay a little too far.

Frazetta Barbarians

2010-05-12T20:00:00.002-04:00

Frank Frazetta is indelibly linked to barbarians. Especially Robert E. Howard's Conan the Cimmerian. It's safe to say that when people think of Conan, they conjure a Frazetta-like image to their minds. Frazetta's impression of Conan is no small thing. His covers, painted starting in the sixties, were the covers of the Conan paperbacks into the 1980's. If you ever get the chance to see an artist's interpretation of Conan prior to Frazetta's, you'll be amazed at the blandness of the mighty thewed Cimmerian. Often the pre-Frazetta Conan has an "Arabian Nights" aura. Artists didn't translate Howard's mixed milieu well. But Frazetta established a visual vocabulary of mixed cultural cues and barbaric splendor that matched Howard perfectly in tone and texture. All visual Conan art -- comics, books, movies, TV, etc -- after Frazetta is really a commentary on Frazetta's images.

Frazetta created his own barbarian reiver, The Death Dealer, and portrayed him in a series of paintings. Frazetta's use of color, the heaviness of his composition, and his use of light and dark, were all compared to Renaissance masters. He received several years of art training, but his style was largely self-taught and influenced by necessity. His depiction of the human body shows equal influences of the Old Masters classics and the dynamism of comic book pop art.

Somewhat surprisingly, while Frazetta is famous for his burly, super-heroic slayers perpetrating great violence in full scale battle -- there is very little blood and gore in his work. A flash of red, a body wracked in pain and thrown at an odd angle; these are the visual cues Frazetta uses to imply the swath of destruction being cut by his heroes as they engage their foemen. This is the painting equivalent of heroic poetry.

Frank Frazetta, 1928 - 2010

2010-05-11T17:26:00.003-04:00

Frank Frazetta died yesterday. He was a giant; a great artist, who happened to paint commercial and genre subjects.

Best known for his vivid cover art for 1960's and 70's paperback editions of Conan, John Carter of Mars, and Tarzan stories, Frazetta also worked in comic books and Hollywood. Although this is a sad day for me, it certainly makes my posting for the next few days easier. Today, it's self-portraits of Frazetta, but I'll post some of other work over the rest of the week.

This painting is of his beloved wife, Ellie, whom he married in 1956. She passed away recently too. They are survived by three children, who in very recent months settled legal claims to the vast library of artwork left by Frazetta. He kept just about everything. One of the only paintings to hit the market, a Conan depiction, sold for $1 million.

I own one Conan print that hangs in my basement. The Official Frazetta website had pulled all the ordinary prints from circulation some time back. I only learned of it when I thought I should get a couple more. All that was left up were super expensive prints using some arcane process... The prints were beyond my price range. Hopefully the family will release another series of regular prints soon. It looks like the website is down completely today.

Goodbye, Frank Frazetta. Thank you, and you'll be missed.

"The Gael" from Last of the Mohicans

2010-05-09T17:46:00.003-04:00

I feel in love with the Last of the Mohicans soundtrack my senior year of college. There is a beautiful celtic reel played on a fiddle in one scene, and the reel reappears later during a chase scene.

A few years later, I was in the Scottish Highlands making the obligatory pilgrimage to Loch Ness and making my way through the very touristy Official Loch Ness Monster Exhibit in Drumnadrochit. The museum sucks you in with the promise that it's about the monster... But it's really a serious look at the ecology of the largest body of fresh water in the UK, with occasional references back to the "mystery." The science lesson is accompanied by a soundtrack too, by Scottish musician Dougie Maclean. I turned a corner and found myself staring at a highlander mannequin -- and the reel from Last of the Mohicans played on an electric fiddle!

I'm still trying to figure out how the music originally intended to evoke the history of Loch Ness, titled "The Gael," ended up in Last of the Mohicans, a movie about the French and Indian War in America's original frontier.

Not long after my visit to Drumnadrochit, I was on the Isle of Skye. This was also a pilgrimage of sorts. I intended to visit the mythic site of the school at which the Irish hero Cuchulain learned his fighting skills. I found a pub that night, and was treated to a young fiddler playing
"The Gael."

I'm not the only one to fall in love with this piece of music. It has been rearranged for many other instruments, including the bagpipes and guitar. It's a popular piece for celtic revival bands and renn fair musicians.

If I were writing the Marvel Avengers movies...

2010-05-09T10:07:00.004-04:00

I had the chance to review Iron man 2 with some friends yesterday, and talking about it made me think about some things in relation to the upcoming batch of Marvel super hero movies.

First, I got to thinking about the use of foreshadowing and language in IM2. I don't think it's coincidence that "shields" keep coming up in conversation. The first instance I remember is when Justin Hammer says that the Iron Man armor is a "sword, but Tony Stark wants us to think it is a shield." Later, SHIELD director Nick Fury reveals Howard Stark was one of the founding members of SHIELD. And there is an awesome scene in which a half-finished Captain America shield makes an amusing appearance. I thought we might learn more about the SHIELD organization in this movie, but it remains very mysterious. But we do learn that it has been around for some time and is powerful enough to influence a the chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee.

Second, it is strongly hinted that Nick Fury has been around long enough to have known Howard Stark very well. In the comics, a Sergeant Nick Fury was the leader of the World War II Howling Commandos. Of course, this was original continuity white Nick Fury, not super-cool cat Samuel L. Jackson / Nick Fury. It's been reported that the Howling Commandos will be appearing in the Captain America movie. At first I thought it would take a major bit of historical revision to make SLJ Fury into a frontline combat soldier in World War II, but then it hit me how I'd write this...

I'd make the Howling Commandos an all-minority suicide squad of Dirty Dozen-like undesirables. The Army has no qualms sending them on the most dangerous and impossible missions and never really expects them to survive. But somehow, and despite a high casualty rate, a few of them always limp home. As the ultimate dirty tricks team, they are assigned to the same special missions command that houses the Super Soldier program. Captain America may be formidable, but he is only one man and needs some back-up, so he is partnered with Fury and his Howling Commandos. This gives him the chance to have one of those rousing, patriotic moments where he accepts these brave men as fellow American fighting for freedom.

Howard Stark, who we're told in the IM films was working on the Manhattan Project, was really working on the super soldier program, building gadgets -- like the original shield. This brings him into contact with Cap and Fury, and maybe even an earlier Gen. Ross -- father to the Gen. Ross who pursues the Hulk. These men would all form an organization to act as a "shield" against threats to freedom. "Strategic Homeland blah blah blah" would merely be a "back-ronym", perhaps the latest of several, for the black ops organization.

In my version, Fury would be badly wounded storming the Red Skull's SS fortress and get a blood transfusion from Captain America. Hence Fury's longevity.

In the comics continuity, the Nazi Red Skull created HYDRA after WWII. This could be the case in the movies too. HYDRA could be an umbrella, like SHIELD, which unifies threats against the good guys. It makes some sense that a Nazi-influenced HYDRA could try to reach out to the Norse God Loki (even if the Asgardians in the movies are an advanced alien race, it matters more what HYDRA believes they are), or they could be infiltrated by or partner with the Skrull. Who knows? But the plot possibilities open up.

It's a personal quirk, but I'd have another tie among the characters... I was intrigued by Nick Fury's statement to Tony Stark, "Believe it or not, you are not the center of my universe." And his urgent need to be elsewhere doing other things. It suggested this man knows of grave threats and is juggling to keep them all at bay. Fury is a man who knows things other men don't, and more to the point, he knows things others shouldn't know.

In mythology, the blind eye is often a symbol of sacrifice for knowledge. It suggests that sight has been exchanged for insight. The character that embodies this is Odin, Thor's father. I would find a moment to bring Odin together with Fury to acknowledge that both have made the same sacrifice and carry the same burden of knowing things others must be protected from.

Unfortunately, I'm not writing the Marvel movies. But if Marvel is looking for someone to review the scripts and find ways to tie them all together -- I could make myself available. I'm sure Joss Whedon could use a sidekick while writing that Avengers script. I work cheap -- Promise!